Lin, my friend in China, she’s such an ideal traditional Chinese wife.

No one can compete with her for keeping 3-bedroom apartment as clean as a 6-star hotel.

She’s a career woman, who works as a senior librarian in the police college; moreover, she needs to fulfil her duty as a police officer during public holidays. 

Indeed, she is very busy.

After she gets up at 5 o’clock early in the morning, the first thing is to get a piece of cloth ready, cleaning the furniture, bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, the same as what she does when she’s back from work and on the weekends.

Day by day, year by year, even when her kid has grown up, she’s still doing the same thing.

I asked my friend:“Why you don’t let your husband give you a hand?”

“You gonna be joking?” Lin said: “He can only eat, sit or watch TV, I don't trust him anymore.”

Whereas her husband complained: “I don’t think I have freedom in my apartment, I can’t drop anything, and can’t make a mess, so I have to sit either in front of TV or computer.”

Every year when I went back China on holiday, I would love to catch up with Lin, but think about how busy she is, I just don’t wanna bother her.

Eventually, I added her on Wechat, how exciting!!!

I sent her one message, but never got replied. After a while I realized that she only set up a Wechat account, but never use it; even she doesn't use emails.

She seems like living in the 20s century; her life is only between family and workplace.

After marriage, quite a lot of Chinese women devote all their time and energy to kids and husband, which is understandable, but “me” time is also essential.

Have you ever thought about having a cup of coffee for a nice chat with your old friends by spending a couple of hours a month?

Or have you ever considered joining activities for keeping yourself fit, e.g. yoga, swimming and make new friends?

Anything, as long as you can get out of daily routine, make your life interesting.

Because if you only focus on your husband or a boyfriend, you might have a high standard, which put high pressure on him, just give him some personal space.

Probably, you think it’s too luxury for you to afford the time.

That’s true, but it also depends on how you make a priority list.

If a woman has never considered herself as a unique person and has never tried to spend a few hours a week on her, then she can never find time, because there are always countless things to do.

Please delegate something your husband or kids can share with, e.g., washing, cleaning, and cooking; then you’ll be free do what you like.

It is not how busy you are, but you have never had an idea that you should regard yourself as a special person.

If you treat your husband like a kid, you know what will happen; he is not independent.

I met one businessman from China; he told me the most time he had instant noodles and simple meals during one week stay in Melbourne.

Because he had never done any cooking thing in China, let alone housework, all his wife and a cleaner do.

He’s a lucky man in China, that’s ok if he only stayed overseas for a very short time. If a little bit longer, he might have to learn how to cook proper meals.

For the young generation, the overseas Chinese students, no matter girls or boys, for being independent, the basis skill is know how to cook, clean and tidy.

Someone argue: it doesn't matter; I can eat in the restaurant three meals a day as long as I can afford.

Then you might gain weight very soon, and you will lack veggies if you eat outside all day long.

And there’s little chance to find someone else cook for you; the labour cost is very high in Australia unless you are very wealthy, you will still have difficulties to find a person cook the meal exactly like your wife or Mum do.

Guys and girls, no matter how much money you earn, you are still not independent unless you know how to take care of yourself.

Then wherever you go, you don’t have to expect anyone else do it for you.

I’ve heard some Chinese men complain living in a western country, one thing, they have been spoilt for so long by wife, Mum and cleaners. 

Now they have to rely on themselves, which make them a little bit uncomfortable.

I’ve also noticed most ladies enjoy living in Australia because they can earn money support themselves. 

On the other hand, they don’t have to criticise themselves for not taking care of a man.

In China, if a lady doesn’t know how to look after a man, she might feel guilty: “Oh, I am not a good one.”

In a western country, it’s not unusual to share housework with a husband or a boyfriend.

For myself, I was born in a very traditional family in Shanghai, and my dad didn’t do any housework until he retired.  My mum was very busy between work and chores.

I was always been told and influenced by Dad: “A lady should do housework and take care of kids; that’s the responsibility of a man to earn money and support a family.”

Since I met my husband, instinctively, from my mum, I learned how to take care of him and family, it seemed like the only thing I can do in my life.

I did the washing, cleaning, tidying, picking up daughter from school and doing daily routines.

I was frustrated for being so busy no free time, I lost friends without joining any activities because I thought that’s the life supposed to be.

Whereas I didn’t feel happy, because on my mind, I only had husband and daughter, I was often getting upset for little things.

In return, I requested the same thing from husband: you should only put daughter and me in your mind, not even your born family.

My narrow mind was stuck, it was until I went abroad, gradually I have been accepting the new ideas.

I have my life back; I find “me” time, I stay in touch with friends and am joining activities I love.

I no longer feel sorry for not being a perfect traditional Chinese housewife, because my husband knows how to share housework with me, it’s not only my duty.

I am relieved now.

Therefore, ladies, please don’t complain your husband or a boyfriend for making yourself so busy.

First thing, you should change your mind and leave a bit time for yourself to do what you like, please don’t treat your (future) husband as a kid, give them space to grow, being an independent man.

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