At 27th years, a master graduate of two medicine related degree of two different countries, just finished the residency training of 33 months as the start to be a real doctor, I always take myself as hardworking and cogitative, with enough ability to plan my own future. I chose my college course myself 9 years ago, make the decision to go to Belfast for experimental purpose myself and finished the degree with distinction using a completely different language with nearly no family background.

 My dad used to do nothing at the time for choosing university, but  he started to say that you should go and live in another country the time I started my doctor path, which lasted for so many years until now. At the first several years, he sent me messages about American and immigration everyday and forced me to give feedback by face. Then tried to chat that kinds of things on every meal, deep at night, or every time for a family walk. Then I had a summer campus in England for a month 5 years ago. I applied for it myself held by university for twice, because I didn't get scholarships in the interview and finally went in self-support of finance. The time I back, he scold me on why came back instead of staying here in a developed country, as a young workable single college student. That scolding and argument last for 2 years, repeated thousands of time until I went there again for a second master.

I applied it myself once more, and my father refused me on doing an English course before that for he thought that's waste of money, for I was always good at all exams. I did IELSTs twice with high pressure along with a whole time exhausted hospital work, and started the journey directly facing Covid19. Then I was back again, and have so much things with high pressure to do in the hospital if I still wanted to graduate and finished my residency doctor training. I survived that and graduate this summer, with an emotion which want to kill someone everyday (Not everyone can understand the feeling of a double master/residency doctor in Chinese big hospital, nearly every year students suicide and were covered). Then, it is time for future one more time.

After these years of struggling for "success", I hate hospital. Though only by being a doctor makes the best money for my circumstance.

I have found my self a job as an editor for a large publishing house which seems to be a flat career, and as the same time took the city's institutional staff exams (the best way for medicinal masters getting into a "good" hospital for most recruitments want PHD nowadays) and got the first place. I really cannot understand myself as I hate hospital but still do that with hard work. Maybe I just love the feeling to compete with someone else and succeed in my capable fields. There is interview in near future.

Then, my dad changed. He did every thing he can to get me that place, including send out money to some "leaders" I don't know and care nothing, invited them for expensive meals I have never heard of myself in this family, and at last force me to meet that "hatred" leaders heeler. I repeat it in others words: He spent so much money and flattering things for my recruitment when I am already the most advantageous one (10 scores higher than the second, which is a big advance for future interview). I already have another certain offer, just have a try and actually hate hospital after trying for 3 years. When he was continuously trying to make me abroad and live far from home as a girl alone with no family at all, for 8 years, how dare he being that enthusiastic to force me working for a "country" owned hospital for some work I already thrown away after a try?

I can understand him. That exam is authoritative for graduates, and the place I chose seems to be accurately fit for my two master courses. But is that a reason that a dad do these controlling things completely in his own mind? The fight start in dinner table when I was eating, and he started body touch after I insisted that I won't show up in his "flattering work with strangers", and if he keep bothering me I will move out from this flat immediately.

Maybe it is really time to move out. I have already lived in England for one whole year myself and felt good. But my parents insist that it should be no need to pay another rent for residency master earn little, if I work in a hospital just near home that completely of no use. Though I am 27th，not 17th.

It is so hard to find a job, even as a "top" student. You'll keep finding someone clever than you in the whole life, why can't my dad understand not everyone should do the most repayable job instead of a favorite one ?  The interview time is simutaneously happen with the check-in date for another work. I don't know which to choose until the last time.

People should never regret to their own choices no matter what results it led, for the moment of choice really made who they are. So, I will never regret, just as I am not regret to go abroad though that makes harder to get a job domestic.