The life in the duty room is boring to death, but I still have to live it. There is no substitution for the peace I dwell in. The loneliness I suffer can be distracted, and the extreme anxiety is lessened.

I am always shifting from one activity to another: watching short videos, reading books, learning and writing English, etc. I can't do them on a regular basis, because my interest is in disorder. However, the truth is that I am not resigned to give up any of them. I do this for five minutes, and that for another quarter, and the like. This is capricious in the normal eyes, but my mood is wisely adapted for the "stable".

It is strange that I am often reluctant to leave the duty room by the end of the daytime, because it should have been an uncomfortable place. However, it arouses my habit to ponder over happiness, which is rather lacking in a mental patient. Many people meditate on life and death, but few of them really focus on the course of living, or the living of the present. That may be what I am gifted by the room.