So many people honestly say that they envy me for my being jobless. They say I do not need to be busy and tired and sacrifice time for money. But I am far less happy than them, whose reason I first believe is that they have salary and society, which I do not have just like privilege. I used not to be aware that although they envy me, and they apparently dislike the life imposed on them, they can never be living more naturally.

What is the meaning of natural life? I begin to ponder and ask. Previously I always mind that the psychotic life is “abnormal”, so that every uncomfortable feeling should be counted as “disallowed”. But this is what exactly makes me really divorced from the “normal”. The radical problem is that I do not get accustomed to the disadvantages of life, which my friends are so patient with and even careless of.

So now I get the answer, which is the cliche that “life is not perfect,” and I should accept that not everything can go to achieve what I wish. Just read as little every day, memorize words quickly forgotten, and write what deserves but doesn't reach an audience.