8th October 2015, Thursday

Heart beats strongly when I revisited my English blog center and reviewed the last latest blog thread seconds ago. Times fly. Who knows what the past me had said in the entries…En, I reckon I am afraid of the past. Don’t want to confront the past.

I’ve distanced English diaries and this DIO center since university graduation in 2012. Perhaps “distance” is not the right word, but, anyway…The impulse to be here and to write arose, when I saw Bluebird’s QQ entry this morning. The thread contained a photo of Bluebird herself and Huckabee. They met during this National Holiday. Both of them are my old friends at DIO and they are, actually, the persons to whom I have great respects.

I know the reason why I’m here – their sudden presence clearly reminds me of that time, when all of us, on a daily basis, visited this forum, reviewed each other’s diaries and witnessed improvement; but at the same time bluntly warns me to stop this indolent life, working, sleeping and sleeping, working.

There’s been three years (such a long time?!) since my graduation. How many events/qualifications that fits the word “successful”? Only two, I say. The N2 Japanese language exam, though luck is the major attribution. And, drawing, if that counts. And, improved English writing abilities, er, if this is counted then, three.

Friends and families commented I have a good job, with interesting work and flexible duty time. It’s true to some extent…But, once a while a small voice inside will refute. Now the job is good for the Helen who is at her age of more than 40, but not the Helen that is at her life peak. Opportunity and improvement is needed, not ease (- -, ease is definitely needed, but just…)

…

Too many words…but have no ideas how to outline and put them here…So, let me stop here. Only 100 plus days left for the years of 2015. Try to make every day count.