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really random...

623 views. 2011-2-9 21:34 |Individual Classification:random thoughts|

Life is an utter mystery and every individual is a myth. Sometimes even we ourselves cannot fully understand our own personalities, our motives behind every random decision and our reasons for every whimsy idea.

 

At times, the uncontrollable urges just rush through our veins all of a sudden and the odd ideas pop out of our mind coming from nowhere. I don’t even dare or attempt to comprehend such a mystical phenomenon, which is why I wholeheartedly admire those great minds in psyche analysis like Freud.

 

Sometimes, for instance, I really wish to join a circus, become a professional comedian and showcase some tricks to entertain people along the tour. Or to live in a starved musician lifestyle and play original tunes in the subway. Or even move to a white house along the beach, wander around everyday and make a living by fishing and selling surfboards that I design singlehandedly. Or to be a hot air balloon driver and my job everyday would be taking different people up in the sky to savor the wind, the cloud, the sunshine, and most importantly, the feeling of flying, so to speak, like in the movie Up. I’d also like to write an autobiography if I’ve got enough spare time, merely for the sake of recording and for fear of memory loss when I’m old. If you’ve watched The Notebook, you’d understand what I’m talking about.

 

When I was a child, I loved to squat down in front of the fishbowl and gazed at the gorgeous goldfish. Sometimes the fish swam straight towards me. Its head and my finger would reach to the same point and the only thing between us was the glass. Words and languages were needless, completely pointless where instinctual bond formed. It felt like a weird but wonderful connection across different animal realms. Its tail swayed back and forth, as if it was joyful to have me by its side right there, as if we were playing some kind of silent games.

 

I would also like to look up upon the sky now and then. The moon at night looks like a human face. You cannot tell whether it’s happy or sad, but a face wallowing in its own ideas, estranged and clumsy. To my surprise, the moon appearing in western TV documentaries looks exactly the same as the one over my head high above in the sky, the identical face of a man buried in quaint thoughts and inflicted in indecisive dilemmas. It is quite silly to think that they should appear differently since it’s the one and only moon we all share. However, I am indeed astonished by it. You’d think that the sky would look so much different from another hemisphere. But it’s not and shouldn’t be. We are living and breathing under the same sky and in the same world after all.

 

And if you sit still and look out of your window, you’d find that the clouds move so fast and will vanish from the windowpane in a short time. But in real life, they are extremely unnoticeable and seem rather slow-motion. It’s like the fable of rabbit vs. turtle race. The cloud is the turtle. Clouds also transform into various sizes and shapes, such as dogs, sharks, ghosts, planes, to name a few. It’s like a whole new world existing and evolving above us in the sky, distant but fascinating and endearing at the same time.

 

Sometimes, I’d put my hand in the rice and shovel it straight to the bottom of the bag to feel its subtle texture and unspeakable tangibility. I’d also save some plastic wrap paper and squeeze those tiny bubbles to enjoy the short, sharp sound of bursting, which is why when I saw similar scenes while watching Amelie, I was beyond thrilled.

 

Or like yesterday, I suddenly got a whim that I should give myself a haircut. It was not about saving money or sparing the trouble of going out and finding a skilful barber. It was just when I caught sight of the steel-made scissors and looked at my overlong, somewhat dry hair, I wanted to give it a try by myself. Therefore, I tried to recall and imitate the procedures when I used to have haircuts in the barber’s and stuck to the moves step by step, which reminded me of the scene in Flipped that Juli and Bryce’s grandpa trimmed the grassland in the yard using the big black scissors. With simply one snap and swift cut, all the thick and dry hair was gone. My head has never felt so relieved and unburdened.

Post comment Comment (8 replies)

Reply rachelzhaorui 2011-2-9 23:17
You are so sensitive and thoughtful!
Reply highfive 2011-2-9 23:29
rachelzhaorui: You are so sensitive and thoughtful!
well, sometimes I think I'm oversensitive, self-indulgent, weird, probably verging on eccentric.
Reply rachelzhaorui 2011-2-9 23:33
highfive: well, sometimes I think I'm oversensitive, self-indulgent, weird, probably verging on eccentric.
I don't think so, cause sometimes I may also have some weird ideas, haha~
Reply highfive 2011-2-9 23:37
rachelzhaorui: I don't think so, cause sometimes I may also have some weird ideas, haha~
"shake hands". then I shouldnt call it weird or self-indulgent, it's great minds think alike.
Reply rich 2011-2-10 13:29
your account calls up my childhood memories. i don't know how many times i stared into the sky and watched the clouds moving, changing shapes and sizes. i cannot remember how long i gazed into the moon and tried to figure out which one was Niu long and which was zhinu. when i was very little i wished i could fly like birds did in the sky. in junior high i dreamed of becoming a novelist. in senior high i desired to be a physicist. when in normal school i became interested in english at the first sight of the english words and their weird speaking sounds. and now today what i have become of? none! so sometimes i just say to myself, i must be one of the greatest dreamest. :-)
Reply highfive 2011-2-10 22:00
rich: your account calls up my childhood memories. i don't know how many times i stared into the sky and watched the clouds moving, changing shapes and size
well, you could still be what you want to be as of today. we all could. Dreams do not belong to childhood exclusively.  
I feel exacly the same. I want to experience so much more and do a lot of different things.  We're both big dreamers, I guess.
Reply bluebird 2011-2-16 15:57
I also love to look up into the sky, looking up the sky and clouds always so limpid while human troubles on earth so petty...
Reply highfive 2011-2-16 19:22
bluebird: I also love to look up into the sky, looking up the sky and clouds always so limpid while human troubles on earth so petty...
exactly!  like Xu Zhimo depicted in his poem, 你看我时很远, 你看云时很近. it's similar feeling I guess.  everything in the sky seems so clear and dear to us while all the trivial stuff in human world is rather insignificant and distant.

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