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Suffering for Who I am

Hot 1345 views. 2022-9-2 01:34 |Individual Classification:Diary

Im a person whos very self-conscious and has a relatively low self-esteem. I realized that back in college. I obtained the highest score in my high school class and enter a 211-university. I don’t know what makes me to become such a person. However, this personality does not change even after almost ten years work experience. Now I work in a biotech company as a legal. Yesterday I was invited to attended an online conference with the company’s most respected R&D and commercialization partner to work our way through a difficult situation. That was one of the most formal conference since I joined the company. We talked in English. I was the first to answer questions and talked about the current regulation status quo and my colleagues (their titles are directors and mine just a supervisor) added some material comments and suggestions. I was a bit nervous and I even did not recall what I was talking about afterwards. I thought that I behaved really bad, squirmed and wanted to wrap up the meeting very soon. And it did. When I was astonished by how confident the Americans (and one of my admired colleague) are, the other director took the initiative to add my wechat account and give a great compliment for how fluent my English was, he wanted to know how did I practiced it. I was overwhelmed and once again regretful for my previous thought that I have, but still cannot get rid of the thought that I was too bad to perform well when doing a public speaking. I think I have no way to alleviate the this kind of suffering.

Post comment Comment (4 replies)

Reply teadrinking 2022-9-2 21:34
Confidence is accumulated by means of experience and highly rooted in the countless exercises.

Sometimes we may assume that we performed awfully, while we just did not act that lamely. And it does not matter even if we acted not as good as we thought, we can better ourselves.

The situation you felt nervous and uncomfortable was because of your over focused tension on others' attention, preciously the external influence.

Westerners are open-minded to encourage and be supportive of those who just dare to speak up. As long as we say something and they mostly understand what we say.

And you are well-educated, you can be more confident through exercise. Trust yourself.

Practice makes perfect.
Reply Xtasy 2022-9-5 00:39
teadrinking: Confidence is accumulated by means of experience and highly rooted in the countless exercises.

Sometimes we may assume that we performed awfully, wh ...
Thank you for the encouragement. I think the bottom line is that I'm unfamiliar with the topic and lack confidence in giving persuasive reasoning for solving the problem. Like you said confidence comes from enough practice. I'll keep learning instead of kicking the can down the road.
Reply teadrinking 2022-9-6 22:12
Xtasy: Thank you for the encouragement. I think the bottom line is that I'm unfamiliar with the topic and lack confidence in giving persuasive reasoning for  ...
Exercises concrete your confidence and you can be just that perfect.
Reply Xtasy 2022-9-7 23:10
teadrinking: Exercises concrete your confidence and you can be just that perfect.
C‘est la vie...

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