I keep asking one question of myself these days, why I got married? When I finished my online class and walked out of the room, everything is in a mess. My son’s toys are on the ground of living room everywhere, but my husband, holding his cellphone, sitting on the sofa without a glance of my son, who was playing by himself.

I don’t want to talk to him anymore, I think I have told him too much but he always turns a deaf ear to me. That’s ok; let’s just take care about our own business.

I didn’t felt so disappointed ever before. When I was pregnant three years ago, I went to work by bus, and lived in the dorm of my company, did everything by myself. I don’t think it’s a thing that no one takes care of me.

After gave birth to my son in my hometown, my own mother accompanied me and my husband stayed several days besides me and went back to work. When we saw each other again, my son was more than four months.

Apparently, he had no idea of how to be a father, when I asked him to help me, the only reply I got is:” I don’t know how to do it?”

My son got wounded for several times because of his carless only for a few seconds that I was not there. We quarried many times on this issue, but he didn’t make any improvement at all.

I quitted my job when my son was send to hospital, and started to look after him on my own. It’s really challenging, all alone by myself, no one helped me, no one to ask for advice. Even at that time, I didn’t felt so hard of my life. Seeing my baby growing up every day, it’s kind of comfort of a Mum.

But things changed gradually, I even didn’t notice. We talk to each other less and less, and we get far and far away. He only cares about himself, and never told me when he will back from work, or when he will leave. He never asked if I had my meal or if everything goes well. Never!

Once I believed that everything will be ok when my son goes to kindergarten, I can find a job and put myself together. How ridiculous I was to have such ideas. No one sent him to school, no one picked him up. He was staying with me when I had a meeting and finally I was asked to go out of the meeting room.

On a Friday evening, my husband took him downstairs. My son was playing on the slide, while my husband is playing with his cell phone again. My son fell down form the slide and breaks his right arm, he cried and stood up by himself, then his father, who is watching his cellphone then lift his chin up and called me.

I made a simple first aid to my son’s arm, and then we went to the children’s hospital immediately. My son had an operation later because tow bones of his arm were broken, when we send him to the operating room, I cannot hold up my tears. But we are not allowed to come into the room. After the operation, he cannot sleep and cried and cried. I could not do anything but just hold him in my arm and patted him all night. I swear I will divorce with my husband after my son’s recovery.

Four months had passed, my son’s arm is recovering, and he is almost ok but told me that he felt no strength of his right arm. He eats and plays with his left hands now and then.

The last straw is that my husband did nothing excepting sleeping or watching TV shows during the quarantine period. He never teaches my son to read a book or play a game with him. I want to go and never came back.

For those years, I had used up of my own savings. When we went to the supermarket, I asked him to buy something for me, he always refused. He bought what he likes to eat and what my son likes to eat, but never me. Without new clothes or gifts, he doesn’t cares about my birthday at all. I am planning to leave. Yes, I do. When I finish my exams I will leave him forever.

I started my own small business for a living; sell some cosmetics and facial masks, and some baby products on WeChat. I never had this kind of feeling.

I cannot sleep well in the night, I have lots of work to do, and I need to study, to enrich my knowledge, to find a way out, earn a living by myself. The most regretful thing in my life is that I got married and had a baby.

I am fighting for my new life, it will be ok, I will make it！