Register Login
DioEnglish.com Return Index

lumin's Space http://www.dioenglish.com/?4021 [Favorites] [Copy] [Shares] [RSS]

Blogs

About Family Violence

7292 views. 2010-2-11 05:48 |

On hearing a piercing woman scream and cry coming from downstairs,  mum went downstairs to see if there was a family brawl. She might then acted as a mediator, for as far as I know, she is getting on quite well with that family.

 

Half an hour’s later, mum came back, with a sullen look on face. “You know, her husband is a real beast, and she was wounded all around, with mouth, nose and chest all in blood,” she tried to leash anger:” His mother threw bloodstained face-tissues hurriedly into the waste basket the moment she saw me, and his father was still sleeping, giving without any heed to their bitter quarrel. After mum’s stopping the husband’s punching her out of control, she moaned a prayer to mum: Please call my mother and ask her to bring me home. I can’t stand it any more”. “She is as old as you. Her husband is a real beast. I can’t bear anyone to treat my daughter like that.” As a mother, she was provoked, full of disgust for not only the husband, but also his parents.

 

However, Mum didn’t call her parents being afraid of offending this family upstairs, according to some rules in local human relations which I still can’t understand. She reminded her to call her parents herself and also persuaded her to go to my home and stay until the war blow over, but she just kept wailing without any other reaction.

 

Mum also told me that: During only these three months after the wife’s giving birth to the first baby, there have broken out many times’ war between them, and she was beaten nearly to death several times just like this one; unbelievable, they became on terms of intimacy again the next morning after the war, maybe largely because of his touching confession, and a few days later, it’s all over again.

 

With the mobile phone close at hand, she had been given opportunities to call families for help; or she even should have broken up with this family immediately after the first time when suffering from cruelties. Though she might be deeply attached to her husband, as a spectator, I think such terrible domestic violence can’t be pardoned on this way, especially after done time after time.

 

For those onlookers, if they still had sympathy for this woman and tried to reach out support hands to her at first, now, there’s only neglect and indifference left after her refusal to help. However, there’s no excuse for us not to blame ourselves for abepithymia and cowardice.

 

In my childhood, a woman who is the mother of one of my classmates destroyed herself by taking poison after suffering from her husband’s years’ maltreatment. Tears of sympathy returned to villagers’ face at the funeral, and after that, for the perpetrator of violence and cold onlookers, they came back to normal life and kept silent again.

Post comment Comment (16 replies)

Reply hirondelle 2010-2-11 09:47
To find a tender husband is important to girls~
Reply SmilingAngel 2010-2-11 10:46
I feel quite sympathetic to his wife.
Luckily, I was born in a blissful family.
Reply lumin 2010-2-11 11:28
hirondelle: To find a tender husband is important to girls~
You are right^_^.
I think we girls also should learn to treasure ourselves and protect ourselves.
Reply s10004 2010-2-11 11:52
Desperate family leads to desperate human,which can not be avoided.
Reply lumin 2010-2-11 12:09
s10004: Desperate family leads to desperate human,which can not be avoided.
It make sense.
Bystanders' indifference may also contribute to their despair.
I don't think we can only take it for granted.
Reply lumin 2010-2-11 12:12
SmilingAngel: I feel quite sympathetic to his wife.
Luckily, I was born in a blissful family.
Right. We are so lucky.^_^ And we also should treasure what we have.
Reply lyh 2010-2-11 17:12
feel indignant. such a bad man...
Reply lumin 2010-2-11 19:25
lyh: feel indignant. such a bad man...
Thank you for your comment.
We all need the sense of justice.
The perpetrators' conduct deserve to be reprehended.
Reply sunnyv 2010-2-18 22:34
hirondelle: To find a tender husband is important to girls~
Yes, I am sorry to say that as a guy, i still have to say that. I have seen guys physically and mentally abusing their wives or girlfriends just to let off pressures of the competitive society. This is terrible. It won't give much relieve to anxieties. Yes, girls when you choose a husband, do not just see how nice he is to you, watch him when he is not with you. If he is abusive when you are not near him then you better give up.
Reply maud 2010-2-24 04:17
When my husband was hitting me so often, I would cry out.  But no neighbors ever came to rescue me.  I know they heard, and I know they knew what was going on.  I think it's terrible not to help other people in need.  Is fear of awkwardness really more important than someone's safety?

I am glad your mother went to see what was going on.  Maybe you could befriend the abused girl.  Girls being hit by someone they love really need a lot of support in order to be able to make safe choices.  

If it's hard for you to understand why a woman doesn't just leave her abusive husband, maybe these sites can help explain:
http://www.msmc.la.edu/include/battered_women/whystay.htm
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page4.htm
Reply lumin 2010-2-27 00:45
maud: When my husband was hitting me so often, I would cry out.  But no neighbors ever came to rescue me.  I know they heard, and I know they knew what was
Thank you for your sincere words, Maud, and I'm sorry for my reply is a little late.^_^

In a few days after that, That abused girl I mentioned had recovered totally well enough to make a joke about her suffering: She shouted to mother "Help!", smiling on the back seat of his husband when they passed by, imitating what she did that night. I have to admit that a woman in marriage is hard to read.

Now,I have got a  better understanding of why she doesn't leave. Things are not so easy as I expected, and I should have known better if I had understood what a marriage means to a woman.

Thanks for recommending those forcible articles. We have more choices than a woman in a violent relationship, and we should do something to help them.
Reply maud 2010-2-27 12:53
lumin: Thank you for your sincere words, Maud, and I'm sorry for my reply is a little late.^_^

In a few days after that, That abused girl I mentioned had re
It's a terrible situation, and it's difficult for people to understand if they haven't experienced it personally.  

Just because she made a joke doesn't mean she is recovered.  She may never be recovered.  Joking only means she feels embarrassed about it, and is hoping to make it into a joke to lessen her sense of shame.  

I felt the same way.  It's terribly, terribly embarrassing to have given my heart, my body, my life to a man who respects me so little, cares for me so little that he is able to do such horrible things to me, and so often.  It destroys your self-respect, it destroys your sense of self, it feels shameful and terrifying and completely and utterly embarrassing.  You don't know how to be safe from it.  I didn't want to leave him though, because I already felt like I had lost everything, and I didn't think I could bear to lose what little I had left.  It's embarrassing for a woman to have other people know you are being abused by your husband.  But it's worse to try to deal with such an awful situation alone, without help.  

I was embarrassed, too.  I'm still embarrassed.  I can write about it (to strangers), but I can't talk about it in person at all.  Most of my friends and family still don't know.  Because it's terribly embarrassing.  And, when I am talking to the few people who do know, I make jokes too.  I wish I didn't because it misrepresents reality.  But I feel too embarrassed to do anything else.

Maybe if you ever get a chance to talk to this girl alone, when her husband isn't around, you could give her my email and my QQ number, and tell her I am an American girl who speaks Chinese, and who also has been through the terrible experience of being abused by a husband.  And if she ever wants to talk to someone about it, maybe she could talk to me.  It's too hard to go through alone.  

past 点 participle @ gmail 点 com
614808616
Reply maud 2010-2-27 13:06
As I read your post again... really, this is such a sad story.  She needs help.  Her husband is too cruel.  But sometimes it's really really too hard to leave your husband, it's so so hard.  She needs help.  She knows she needs help.  She just can't do it alone.  

When I was with my husband, it felt like the more he hit me, the weaker I got, and the weaker I got, the more dependent I was on him, the more important he was, until he was my whole world.  Nothing else seemed real.  Only him, loving him, fearing him.  I was terrified of him, but without him, there was nothing.  It was so awful.  I hate to think that this girl is now in a similar situation.  It's so hard.  She needs help.
Reply lumin 2010-2-27 14:08
maud: It's a terrible situation, and it's difficult for people to understand if they haven't experienced it personally.  

Just because she made a joke does
It can only be fully undertood by experiencing it. And I really had a lot of misunderstandings about the girl's behavior.
The family lives near my home. I have already left hometown, come to Beijing in this new term. When contacting mother, I will ask she to convey your words to the girl in a proper way or do it myself if there's a chance.
Reply possible 2011-10-22 20:31
such bad man who hits his wife should not be forgiven~
Reply possible 2011-10-22 20:40
maud: As I read your post again... really, this is such a sad story.  She needs help.  Her husband is too cruel.  But sometimes it's really really too hard
i amn not able to understand parlance.     "the more he hit me, the weaker I got, and the weaker I got, the more dependent I was on him, the more important he was, until he was my whole world."
  it's illogical!  perhap the reason is that i didn't experienced it personally as you said~

facelist doodle 涂鸦板

You need to login first Login | Register

每周一篇英文日志,坚持一年,你的英语能力将发生质的飞跃!

DioEnglish.com --- A Nice Place to Practice English and Make New Friends!

English Writing, English Blog, English Diary, 英语角, 英语写作, 英文写作, 英语交流, 英语日记, 英语周记, 英文日记, 英语学习, 英语写作网, 英语作文大全

Website Rules|Contact Us|茶文化|英文博客网 ( 京ICP备06064874号-2 )

GMT+8, 2024-3-29 23:04

Powered by DioEnglish.com

© 2008-2013 China English Blogs

Top