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Shen Dianxia, loser worth sympathy or winner deserving respect?
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A discussion was carried out accidently in the office this morning about whether life of Shen Dianxia, better known as Feifei, was a tragedy or not. She loved a man, and bore his baby, and was dumped by him, and brought up the baby herself without getting married again, and then died. Tragedy, right? For a woman, she was alone, she was lonely and her life must be full of misery. A loser worth sympathy, right?
However, I don't think so. Looking at the other side of the coin, she married the man that she loved and may be the most handsome guy of her times even though she was not pretty, maybe even a little ugly, and carried his baby and watched her growing up into a beautiful lady with the look of the love of her life even without his accompanying or care, beacauuse she knows he was there, there in the blood of their daughter, there in the memeory of their sharing past, there deep deep in her heart, though not in front of her face.
All her life, she wondered if this man, the love of her life, had ever loved her. When the question was finally asked in her program, he was shocked at first, and then at a few seconds, he said "Yes". On hearing the words she had beening waiting and wondering and expecting and looking forward to for years, she nodded relievd, tears streaming down her face. Maybe he loved others more, a bit more or far more than her, but that didn't matter. She just hoped for a bit, or even nothing in resturn. "Yes", one word, was enough, quite enough for her though she knew it was not not forever, just ever. It is better to love and lose than never own.
Feifei reminds me of another lady, the heroine in Letter from an Unknown Woman, who even harldy left any impression to the man she loved with her heart and soul. "I love you." Not because how you treat me, but who you are. "I love you" It's none of your business, but my faith. "I love yu" Not for forever, but ever. "I love you" That's enough, and that's all.
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Post comment Comment (5 replies)
- Reply sunnyv
- The most important fact in a relationship is whether there is ''true love'' and the true love has to be on both sides, not only one side. Once true love is established, the love should never be lost no matter what happens. There would be lots of changes as times goes by but the true love must remain true and unwavered.
The question these days is, how many couples can say that their love is unconditional true love? Not many. People seem to fall in love not for true love but for material or emotional benefit. The main reason for marriage seems to be marriage for the need to get married, age and pressure, care, lineage, social status and living needs.
Considering that true love is almost impossible to find, quiet a lot of us are willing to accept a watered down or diluted declaration of ''I Love You''. For many this is better than no love at all. Can't blame anyone for accepting this discounted love but it is take it or leave it. The end result could be that you are blamed for being too choosy or have unreasonable high expectations. People are now forced into making unsound choices for love relationships and marriage. Can we blame them? No. That is the trend, follow the crowd or lose your way.
As for the case of Shen Dianxia - Feifei. She is a resident of my small town Hong Kong and I know everything about her. Her relationship with Adam Cheng Siu Chow is nothing but a transaction. Shen Dianxia wanted to have a child before her child bearing age ends. She knows the chance of finding a real love partner is zero because of her excessive body weight. Adam Cheng wanted to make use of Shen's strong connections with the TV station to improve his star status. It is for mutual benefit. Shen then died early due to diabetes leaving a young daughter to survive on her own. Adam left her daughter to survive on her own and did not see her often. This daughter had to suffered terrible ridicule from the public because of her inherited weight, but she had an extremely strong personality and managed to grow up quite happily in the entertainment business. Anyone seeing her would feel the happiness. Adam eventually remarried finding after find his own love and this new lady don't allow the daughter to even go near her home.
In the end, we can say that both have benefited from the love transaction, so it is hard to say whether this relationship was worthwhile.
- Reply teadrinking
- You have explained well of this story.
sunnyv: The most important fact in a relationship is whether there is ''true love'' and the true love has to be on both sides, not only one side. Once true lo ...
- Reply windie
- Thanks for your sharing and being straightforward which is what I like and the way I behave as well, so please pardon me if my following words may hurt you. Maybe you are a successful businessman, and you know much about trade or transaction, but you do not know about women, let alone everything about a woman or Shen Dianxia, or should I say know just a little less than me. You only see the transaction in their relationship, but that's not the only thing, at least not for Shen Dianxia. It is not that simple as a transaction between having a baby and steady status. If a woman doesn't love man, she won't give birth to his baby. Had you ever seen the movie Finding Mr. Right starring by Tang Wei and Wu Xiubo, you would know that line"The happiest event for a woman is to have a baby of the man she loves". I do believe that she loved Adam Cheng, and therefore wanted a child with him, instead of the other around. It is true that she has excessive body weight wich may make him have zero chance of finding a true love. But at last she found the man she loved truly although he did't love her that much or didn't love her at all. Sooooo what? At least, she tried. She tried to live her own life in the way she wanted and she tried to marry the man she wanted. she tried, although the result was not that satisfying or a comedy. Sooooo what? Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. And I believe she had that moments of taking her breath way when she married Adam. What we can only do is to try, try and try again. As for the result whether good or bad, I can't neither predic nor contro, but I don't care as long as I have ever lived in the way I want.
sunnyv: The most important fact in a relationship is whether there is ''true love'' and the true love has to be on both sides, not only one side. Once true lo ...
- Reply windie
- I don't think so and I advise you to learn more about the story. Hope you don't mind and I believe you are man of positive energy
teadrinking: You have explained well of this story.
- Reply sunnyv
- You got a point there. Indeed I may have underestimated the love of Shen Dianxia for Adam. May be that love is above everything else and I have only concentrated on the benefits side of the relationship.
windie: Thanks for your sharing and being straightforward which is what I like and the way I behave as well, so please pardon me if my following words may hur ...
My estimation of the love from Shen Dianxia was based on the attitude of Shen after the baby was born. She criticized Adam for a lot of things and showed little respect for him. She disclosed the private habits of Adam saying that he was fuzzy, always in front of the mirror and took hours preparing when going out. I was wondering which wife would say those things about a husband in public when she really love him.
On the side of Adam, he never showed much affection towards Shen and her daughter from beginning to now apart from a few publicity performance.
Anyway, we should not see things on the surface. There are lots of thing behind them not for us ordinary folks to understand.
I have great respect for your views towards love and I am certain that you would have a fulfilled and devoted relationship when you are in a love relationship.
