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Complain Less and Encourage More

Hot 1935 views. 2017-7-3 15:21 |Individual Classification:Review

There are two golden rules in the famous book “ How to win friends and influence people”. First, Criticism is futile. Second, only honest, sincerely appreciation works magic.My life has already taught me a tough lesson about Rule 1 and 2. Not once have my own experiences spoken loudly about these two Golden Rules. About a month ago, I’ve joined in an English session. Every day all the members will leave an English audio in a Wetchat group, and at the meantime make comments on the previous one’s homework. It is supposed to be very helpful. We tend to be deaf to our own errors in speaking. It should be great that someone else pick up the faults for us. However, not everyone take the criticisms easily. Several members left in indignant and sometimes the atmosphere there become rather tense. Even for me, there were times I found it hard to bite my own pride down and listen without feeling defensive to the suggestions like “You have a strong Chinglish Accent.” “You failed in every place where you should link the words together.” Logically I know they are right, I need to work more on the tone and liaison. Emotionally, every cell of my body scream in protest. I’ve worked so hard, tried so hard, if I accept these criticism without a word, I am admitting that hours after hours’ practice went nothing, all my efforts meant nothing---that is just too much. Perhaps to admit that we are wrong is hard. It is human nature that wrongdoers blame everybody but themselves. However, sometimes suggestive criticism is necessary, especially in study. How could we accept something that against our nature? That probably is the place we should all work on. When I am leaving a comment, I’ve always started with “You’ve done a great job, but you need to…” Sometimes it made my suggestion easier to be accepted, but sometimes not. Now I know the reason. This sentence comes from my teeth as a routine, not my heart as something I really believed. Only honest, hearty appreciation works.

 

As an European company, mutual respect is our company’s culture, which means, even when you’ve done something wrong, your managers won’t yell at you, sometimes they would point it out in a polite way, or sometimes they just keep their opinions to themselves. I’ve worked for several managers. The one I’ve remembered the most is the one who not only pointed out my faults, but also left hearty appraises whenever I’d done something good or made some progresses. When I was working for him, I worked better and I put forth greater efforts. There’s some manager. They never do face-to-face criticism, even when they are not satisfied with your job, they would still keep polite smiles and then turn down any opportunities you might get for you.



After work and study, how about the marriage? In general speaking, my husband and I’ve maintained a healthy relationship. Sill there are times we both fared up and turned a heated discussion into a fight, in which we would regret everything we had said later. Almost every time, it started with someone’s some kind of complains. There is just no nice way of placing a criticism.  You might have to accept the one from your boss, but if it comes from your spouse, almost no exception, it will put you in immediate defensive. So perhaps next time when my husband throw his dirty clothes all around or ask me where his razor is, I will try to swallow my sarcasms down.

 


Post comment Comment (1 replies)

Reply teadrinking 2017-7-5 22:28
By comparison we learn the difference between us and others. Whatever the difference is we all know that exact it is. If it is good, we accept it, if not, just ignore it.

It is an art to give suggestion to others if they did something wrong. A proper way with good manner will cause great effect and let them easily take the advice and feel it a must to correct and improve. While it also goes to the opposite if we give the inappropriate method with cold comments, even though those comments are not mean, yet they generate negative effects on those who should have corrected their defects. Thus, a positive courage is very important.

That is why we usually see westerners encourage their friends and colleagues with nice words, but not flowery ones, they do respect and hope their friends would be better. Even if we do wrong, they might say, "Well done, next time you could be better, trust yourself."

Nothing works if we blame too much, only the sunny attitude guides us forward.

By working in foreign company, I think your English is not bad, you can communicate with workmates and bosses. And you can learn more by mastering good English.

Come on.

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