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Hot 2230 views. 2018-10-11 17:28

“Collapsed, I can’t take it any more”.

For a long time, I just stared at this message and didn’t know how to react. I need to sort my thoughts out, but how?

I keep falling, and there is no bottom of life. The abyss seems to stretch like forever.

Seven months. Three hospitals, tried all the treatments available and visited countless doctors. No one could give us an explanation. Perhaps there is one but it is not enough to pull me out of suspicions and doubts, which has already torn me apart.

The last visit to the doctor happened about two days ago.

It took me about a whole month to make that appointment and two hours to wait outside. And ten minutes later, we were literally thrown out of the door.

The doctor had a blister tongue, and every word he said seemed to be a slap on the face.

“You are wasting my time. Yes, you have a slipped disc. Yes, it pains. So what? Accept it. Mine is worse than you and I still have a job to do, and a life to live. Okay, I’m telling you this just for the sake of your wife. You are lucky because she is still there. Accept the pains, be a man and get a job!”  

The question is my husband can’t stand it. Perhaps he is just extremely sensitive to the pains, or perhaps long time of lying in bed has finally broke him, eroded his courage, and makes him sort-of addictive to the bed, or perhaps it’s just a matter of time, or perhaps all the doctors have made a huge mistake and his condition is much worsen----I just don’t know! And all these Perhaps are going to kill me.

I need a break. I start to avoid his company. I don’t know how to face him. There is something burning in my chest threatening to well up. I have to use every ounce of my strength to keep it in check.

“I’m not imaging these pains!” he keeps saying that. And when I was in line to get his medicine, he wanted to come back to the car to lie down, to rest. I exploded: “Then prove him wrong! If I were you, I would bite the bullet to get out of that damn bed. Even it was going to kill me, at least I was telling the world I am not that weak!”---perhaps I was not fair to say that. Just as he said, I didn’t have a slipped disc and I didn’t know what he was going through.

Could it be worse than give a birth?

For the last two days, fairly speaking, he did try his best. He made a record to leave the bed for three to four hours a day, which was already double as the usual.

The pains, the sufferings. And today, on the way to the nearby bread shop, he collapsed. He made it 40 minutes.


What should we do?


Keep trying. Fight. 

Post comment Comment (4 replies)

Reply wangjide01 2018-10-12 11:02
It's a terrible.
I always doubt if the hospital have the ability to heal the sick. I give up the treatment of my pharyngitis after more than 2 years medicine treatment.
Maybe other ways  such as exercise is better than medicine. Best regards
Reply sys 2018-11-25 08:15
I  am sorry to hear that , do hope every thing will goes better soon . do hope you have time to write someting new to us , Let us withdraw it together . do hope you  come back soon
Reply bluephoebe 2018-12-11 14:53
sys: I  am sorry to hear that , do hope every thing will goes better soon . do hope you have time to write someting new to us , Let us withdraw it together ...
Thank you for caring. I'm Okay. I tried to live in the moment and not worried too much about the future. So life goes on. I'm still writing in English, just bits and spices stuff. It's end of the year, and i got a pretty crazy schedule, almost in everything. So, i haven't visisted here for a long time.
Reply sys 2018-12-20 16:12
it is nice to hear your news  
It is definitely true that we should live in the moment but not consider much on what ' s not happened .

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