I was getting drunk without actually drinking alcohol and it was not any slightly tipsy, but that totally blank-out, memory loss, complete kind of drunk. It was very bizarre, really.

Before I went to the hospital for my fifth chemotherapy, I took ten tablets of DXMS as usually. But when I arrived at the hospital, I started to feel lightheaded. And it was getting worse by the minutes.

Soon I fell into the state of dissociation, in which the whole world seemed to be dreamlike and unreal.  

The following day was cut into many tiny pieces, and I only got some of the fragments, but most of them had blended and lost in the foggy memories of my mind.

I kind of remembered that I could not walk the straight line when I came down to take my targeted drugs. I almost lost balance and bumped into the staff from Sinopham.

And then there was so many people getting in line for the next elevator. Just the thought of joining them and cramming myself into a tiny, over-crowded place made me even more light headed, so I decided to climb the stairs.

I couldn’t make it. I slipped on the way and fell down from the stairs. I remembered a doctor rushed to me and helped me up. But I couldn’t remember clearly about her face. She might ask for help, because there were a few more doctors coming after that.

What happened next was a blur, disconnected and unreal. When I looked back, I had to think really hard to rescue some wrecks of my memories from this sinking ship.

How they called my husband, when my parents came to the hospital, how did they take me to get a brain scan---I had no memory of these things.

My husband even had to sign a high-risk notification!

I slept on and off but even I woke up, I was still in a dreamlike situation. But even under such situation, I somehow managed to finish my reading notes—what kind of obsessive person I am!

The only possible explanation for this bizarre situation is that I probably took ten sleeping tablets instead of DXMS---I was in a kind of hurry, and these two look very similar.

I was lucky that I didn't get myself seriously injured. My cancer has already transferred to my bones, so my bones break easily. Somehow when I fell down from the floor, I just got some blues. That’s almost a miracle.