I took some days off. I stopped learning, reading, exercising and I stopped carrying on my little challenge games. For the most of time, I put my cellphone away and ignored most of my Wechat messages. I slept late, trifled away my time and generally speaking, I’d been sluggish all the time. I sort of shut myself out from the outside world.

Sometimes it felt as if I was just a figment of cyber world and I didn’t exist. I felt so lightly connected to the earth that the threads that tether me to the planet were just those messages from my Wechat groups or my posts in Daily Must or my learning records.

Without them, a gust of wind could dislodge me completely and I’d lift off and blow away.

It sounds so pathetic. Don’t take it seriously. I was just in a bad mood and whatever it is, it’s already gone.

The major reason was the side effects of my drugs had totally done me in. After a whole month, it should wear off. But it didn’t---such thing happened if you really had a bad luck. I lost all my appetites and there was one day, I almost spent most of the time in toilet. My husband kept screaming that I should stop and urge me to try another treatment. But, there wasn’t another treatment. My doctor suggested me to stop for three days and keep try, to hold on at least for one more month.

So, I stopped taking my drugs and for a while, and I got a short “vacation”—finally I don’t need to worry about the spam, the unstopped running stomach after whatever I forced myself to eat.

Today, I finally go back to my routines. I resume my treatment and I pick up learning and checking my phones--- I simply need that to divert my attentions. I am really not that brave and self-discipline. I just have to.