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I am doing well now.
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Since I was child at my primary school, I became the fattest one in my class. It seems a shame for a girl so I was often laughed by my classmates and also I have few good friend until entering into college. I spent much time alone staying at home and watching soap operas and indulged myself in romantic love and dreaming I was someday able to be loved by my Mr. right.
During my whole childhood, I was lack of confidence and eager to be one of members of some students groups. Fortunately, when I was in high school , I made two close friends who always accompany with me whenever I go at school , which made me feel safe. Even though I knew that we were different in many ways, what I felt happy is that they regard me as a friend and were willing to play with me. However, my studies didn't go so well though I always did my best and study late at night. Finally, I went into college and lose weight successfully by exercising and eating less at nigh , but I 'm still unconfident and afraid of getting along with new friends except my roommate. I have never totally opened my mind to anyone else. Maybe people around me including my parents and relatives thought I was a polite mild and understanding girl , but the truth is that I hate myself and sometimes even look down on myself. Because I always neglect what I really want to do but do whatever comforts others so that they would say good words to me . Making others happy let me feel safe. However, When I felt upset and sad , I ask myself why things goes on like this and what I did wrong, and how I should love myself , why I just can't love myself , who the hell can help me , but have no idea . There is nothing more dipressed than that ,isn't there? I don't know myself, let alone others. That also means nobody can help me out but myself.
But after a long difficult journey, now I am doing well , it gradually comes to me that no one or anything deserves me to abandon my confidence and dignity . I should read more and think more to be wise and broad minded.The most important is that don't rely on anyone else so that I can be independent and feel free to live my life. That 's probably the way of loving myself.
Post comment Comment (2 replies)
- Reply teadrinking
- You have already done well and by doing it in this way you never miss yourself. After years of experience, you get to know that you are no longer a girl who was once unsure and sometimes even felt isolated because of the sense of guilt. Actually, you realize it is not a big deal when you find you are not that bad, you can improve yourself by hard work and then you can feel that you are doing well. The cost of living finally rewards you and enhances your confidence. Just come on and enjoy every moment to the fullest.
- Reply qianwen
- yeah, life is hard. Just as a saying goes, life is not like a movie, it's much harder than that. It's not easy to overcome the setbacks, sometimes you have to fight by yourself for a long time, and it seems easy that you are defeated and begin to doubt yourself again. But what I realize now is that everyone needs to carve their own ways through this journey, and shadows may actually falls on everyone, the differences lie on how you deal with them. The sad truth is I am usually afraid of other's kindness to me, I know it's because of the lack of confidence, I just can't help feeling in that way. But the good news is that I know the weakness clearly now and am willing to face it peacefully .
