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The life I Desired

That must be the story of innumerable couples, and the pattern of life it offers has a homely grace. It reminds you of a placid rivulet, meandering smoothly through green pastures and shaded by pleasant trees, till at last it falls into the vastly sea; but the sea is so calm, so silent, so indifferent, that you are troubled suddenly by a vague uneasiness.

Perhaps it is only by a kink in my nature, strong in me even in those days, that I felt in such an existence, the share of the great majority, something amiss. I recognized its social value. I saw its ordered happiness, but a fever in my blood asked for a wilder course. There seemed to me something alarming in such easy delights. In my heart it was desire to live more dangerously.

I was not unprepared for jagged rocks and treacherous shoals,if I could only have change--change and excitement of unforeseen.

我所追求的生活

这一定是世间无数对夫妻的生活写照,这种生活模式给人一种天伦之美。它使人想起一条平静的溪流,蜿蜒畅游过绿茵的草场,浓荫遮蔽,最后注入烟波浩渺的汪洋大海;但是大海太过平静,太过沉默,太过不动声色,你会突然感到莫名的不安。

也许这只是我自己的一种怪诞想法,在那样的时代,这想法对我影响很深:我觉得这像大多数人一样的生活,似乎欠缺了一点儿什么。我承认这种生活有社会价值,我也看到了它那井然有序的幸福,但我血液里的冲动却渴望一种更桀骜不驯的旅程。这种的安逸中好像有一种叫我惊惧不安的东西。我的心渴望一种更加惊险的生活。

只要生活还能有所变迁——以及不可知的刺激,我愿意踏上怪石嶙峋的山崖,奔赴暗礁遍布的海滩。

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