Don't want to become mature, worldly, incommunicative and so on.

what 's more, i have  grown up to a adult and have responsibility for my parent. i  always  hope save many many money for them to offer them better life. i have struggled  in shenzhen with this dream.and found a good job last year in Beijing.

one year pasted, my pocket still  keep empty except for a notebook computer and some working experience .

Recently , i feel upset all the time without reason and diffident to my future. where is my way on earth ? my boyfriend understand me very much and ask me to calm down  getting rid of flickleness. i think what he said is right ,but i have some troube in this respect. i can't help thinking some negative things when difficulty suddenly occur to me.

it is so difficult that adapting myself to the social development .how long will this feeling continue?

when could i live my own life?