Dependence: A Reminder to be Humble and Independent 

The “Lonely Warrior” is a virtual role model for me. I like the “Lonely” part as much as the “Warrior” part because it sounds that the warrior is so independent and self-reliant. But people are dependent on others in reality, at least in some aspects and at some time. Even in the movies or the video games, the hero or heroine who saves the country, the world, or even the Galaxy is still dependent on others to accomplish the task. Let alone we ordinary individuals. Dependence is a reminder for us to be humble and “INDEPENDENT”! We could purge overconfidence and overdependence when a moderate level of dependence is present. 

·      To Be Humble

      In our comfort zone and areas where we could almost manage everything by ourselves, Dependence seems to be irrelevant. Maybe it is more useful in the emotional aspect. After all, we all depend on some people for companionship, friendship, and love. But in the regard of fulfilling tasks? Nah. At this time, we usually forget how helpless we were in a previous difficult circumstance or how desperate we will be in a future plight. At this time, we forgo humility. Fortunately, life will teach us a lesson not long after we lose humility, and dependence is one of the teaching materials which plays the role of a reminder. When I first came to America in the end of March, 2018, I was so confident that I suppose I don’t need anyone’s help because I think I have enough financial support from the government and my English proficiency is sufficient in dealing with everyday and academic life. That was my first time going abroad. But I was full of excitement instead of fear. It turns out that I had to depend on different people to maintain a good living standard in the U.S. I will skip the details here, dozens of details and incidents. In a word, I regained my humility at that time. Now I am back to Shanghai for 3 years. I sort of forget that feeling a little bit. 

·      To Be Independent

In order to purge the feeling of dependence and incompetence, we would try to be as independent as possible. In order to be more responsible and dependable for others, we also need to be independent. The sweet spot for developing productive and harmonious relationships is to be highly independent separately and  interdependent with each other whenever needed. Suppose you joined a book club, and all the club members will be discussing a book, and everyone is supposed to share his/her thoughts. What will you do? Probably you will independently read the book beforehand, and contribute your ideas and thoughts during the meeting. Then you and other members delve into the book contents deeply and exchange viewpoints. You argue for or against other members’ opinion, reinforcing everybody’s understanding of this book. Being a good team player not only means that you are in a “team” but also means you are a “player” as well !