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The inner torment of a leftover woman, unemployed
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A friend of mine has resigned her current job in the company of a relative of hers because she doesn't like it at all. Before entering into this company, she had worked in a promising company for 3 years and she liked to work there very well. Though at that time, she had to rent a house to live, she was very happy. However, her parents borrowed some money and bought a house for her, which is far away from that company. In short, for various reasons, she quitted that company and began to work for the relative according to her parents' intention. But, it proved that she was not suited to the job and she showed no interest in it. Now a years later, she eventually determined to resign and find another job.
What makes her feel painful is that she is no longer young, in the words of others, she has become a leftover woman. What's worse, she is unemployed. My friend is a very simple girl and she believes that one must be able to earn a living only if he/she works hard. However, she feels a little disappointed and even wants shed tears after seeking job for about one month without any results. She told me that the interviewers would ask her marital status and wanted to know if she had a baby, and when she told them she has not got married, the expression of the interviewers made her embarrassed. Though she thought she behaved very well in the interviews, she still received no responses.
My friend feels frustrated and painful, as she has also to face the pressure from her parents, who are trying their best to arrange blind date for her. No job, experiencing the pain of her last relationship, and the pressure from her parents, my friend told me that she was on the brink of collapse. I can understand her, but I don't know how to help her except for giving her some comfort. Can anyone give her some advice?
Post comment Comment (10 replies)
- Reply sunnyv
- Sigh.. That is why life is unfair to girls. They are always pressured by the expiry date for marriage prospects. When girls reach the around 20's or by 26 the pressure of marriage sets in and they would be hearing lots of unpleasant words from parents, relatives and friends. They keep hearing that time is running out and they better marry quick with anyone who comes along, as if without a husband, the world would end. Parents would then arrange agonizing blind dates and the man who turns up is usually objectionable or unacceptable at all. Marriage is a life long commitment and would completely change the life of a girl, so how can a girl accept somebody objectionable for marriage. It is certainly better to be alone than torment oneself in a painful marriage. After an unsuccessful blind date, the girl would usually be unfairly accused of being choosy and unrealistic. Parents could really ruin the life of a girl with irresponsible marriage proposals.
Parents and girls should understand that the world is changing. Marriage is not as important as it used to be. Men and women are more or less equal in many respects. There are plenty of successful single women out there living happy single lives. Certainly, having a successful marriage is great but it is not for us to say. When the Mr. Right does not turn up, then you would have to wait. Men also need to marry, so nobody know when our turn comes.
As for jobs, most people are working in undesirable jobs often boring, low pay, no prospects and problematic. Very few people hold job they really like. Quite a lot of people are dragging on with undesirable jobs and the pressures of life.
As a friend, perhaps you can be sympathetic to her and explain to her that she is not in the worst positions. There are lots of people with health and living problems and she is not alone in this. Tell her to use extra efforts to find a better job because a good job can change her fate and meet new people. Don't be affected by those interviewers because there are always people who gratify themselves on the misfortunes of others. Time cures everything. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Be confident and she can overcome anything. Good luck to her.
- Reply Ausfrank
- What a poor girl your friend is! Finding a job is not easy at all, especial in China. As we had seen in the news that many people fought for one position. I think she may have to keep on trying for other possibility.
I am not quite sure what do you mean a leftover woman. There shouldn't be expiry ages on getting married. Also I reckon nothing wrong with those single women. I believe some of them even feel proud of themselves because of their performances at wok are higher than the average of men. If the employer or the human resource rejects your friend’s application because of she is single with no kids, just don’t be upset, this company is not worth her to work for it.
In general find a job is easier than find a Mr Right, so concentrate on finding jobs first and wait for the luck comes after.
- Reply carolyayayaya
- Yeah, I also said to her that everything has two sides, and one should be positive and look at the good side. Though she is a little down, she is still an optimistic girl and believes that more pains more gains. I also have confidence in her, and she will come out of the darkness very quickly and find a job very soon, then, good fortune is not far away! Cheer up, my dear friend!
sunnyv: Sigh.. That is why life is unfair to girls. They are always pressured by the expiry date for marriage prospects. When girls reach the around 20's or b ...
- Reply carolyayayaya
- Thanks for your comments. I also agree that, for her, the first thing is to find a job and don't think too much. Just have confidence!Life wouldn't be worse when it becomes very bad. Only if you keep climbing up, you will reach the top of the mountain!
Ausfrank: What a poor girl your friend is! Finding a job is not easy at all, especial in China. As we had seen in the news that many people fought for one posit ...
- Reply carolyayayaya
- Thanks for your comments. I also agree that, for her, the first thing is to find a job and don't think too much. Just have confidence!Life wouldn't be worse when it becomes very bad. Only if you keep climbing up, you will reach the top of the mountain!
Ausfrank: What a poor girl your friend is! Finding a job is not easy at all, especial in China. As we had seen in the news that many people fought for one posit ...
- Reply Olinalynlyn
- I'm sorry to hear that. I think our life need a plan. We do what we should do in different stage in our life, for example, if you were 18-22 years old, you would study in the university. after graduated, you should find a job to support yourself... We must responsible for our every choice.
We are in a fiercely competitive society. Job is not easy to find. She was lucky to work in the company that she liked before. Sometimes, the choices must be made by ourself instead of listening to others including our parents. I hope that she can find a suitable job finally. good luck.
- Reply bluephoebe
- Sometimes, equality is nothing but a joke. I have two friends, one male, one female, both 40, both from middle class, educated, smart, well-employed but bad luck in relationships. However they are under totally different situations. The male friend is still easy to get a date, having some pressures to get married but nothing unmanageable. with my female friend, that's totally a different story. Once she said: " Just because I missed that train, the whole society seemed to have already sentenced me--if not death, at least a life imprisonment. " I didn't know how to reply that. I wish I could give some good advice for your friends, I wish I could say: let the others say whatever they want, but it's your own life to live, do whatever you like. " however reality checks, sometimes the price is just too high to do that. So, wish your friends good luck---both on career and men.
- Reply carolyayayaya
- Thank you！
bluephoebe: Sometimes, equality is nothing but a joke. I have two friends, one male, one female, both 40, both from middle class, educated, smart, well-employed ...
- Reply lovingfun
- As for marriage, I still remain single due to some reasons. I guess she may meet some problems like me, but mainly frome the inner parts. I guess that she hurt a lot from some certain relationship, and now fear that she may get hurt as last time, so she keeps far away from males, even during some time, she may find some one suit her best. She use that way to protent herself from being gotten hurt.
Besides that, she is a independent one, she wanna deeply keep her funds independent, so she may thinks that once she hit that goal , she me think about her personal problems.
Everyone will meet his/her another part due to some conditions. If that one doesn't appear, I guess that she may choose to be single.
- Reply carolyayayaya
- Yes, you are right, she does have some emotional problems, and she is a very independent woman who don't want to rely on a man. However, as most of women, her heart is also fragile and she wants to find a man to give her support and share her happiness and difficulties. But, the premise is she has her own career, as she wants a man to love her instead of suppressing or sympathizing her. I believe that she will overcome the temporary obstacles blocked before her and find her happiness.
lovingfun: As for marriage, I still remain single due to some reasons. I guess she may meet some problems like me, but mainly frome the inner parts. I guess that ...
