I know I write about it a lot on here, and I'm sorry if that makes my blog boring or repetitive.  The reason I write about it so much is because I can't talk about it in real life.  Unfortunately, it is not socially acceptable to vocalize your suffering, and it's almost fantastical to imagine that the people around you might offer support.  Friends and family feel bad for you... for a month.  And then they expect you to be fine.  Or at least to act fine.  

Why does society make these sorts of demands on us?  Why do our own friends and family have so little tolerance for the process of recovery?  If you ask psychologists, they will tell you that it takes much longer than a month for the average person to recover from grief or trauma.  So why does society expect us to buck up and start acting normal again after only a few weeks?  

I don't know.  I don't know why we are not more tolerant and understanding of each other, more supportive of the people we love.  Maybe we don't know how.  But that's no excuse: we should try.  

Maybe it would even be easier for people to deal with trauma or grief, and deal with it faster, if other people allowed them the opportunity to experience their grief openly, to work through it.  Instead of forcing them to conform to the social pressure that says any outward displays of grief are unseemly.  

I need to talk about it.  I need to deal with it.  I need to rewrite my sense of self.  I need to rewrite my understanding of the world.  I need to deal with all that pain before it becomes a permanent part of me.  I need to unlearn helplessness.  I need to trace my fears back to their source, and convince myself to feel safe again.  I need to remember -- and frankly, I am afraid to do that alone.  It would be nice if it was socially acceptable to ask for help.  It would be nice if I had someone in my life who didn't get embarrassed or uncomfortable when I try to talk about it.  

But until then, I'm just going to continue writing about it here.  I'll try to write more positive posts as well, when I can.  

(All of that was supposed to be a short prelude to the main topic of this post.  But I got a little carried away, and now that I've already written so much, I think I will save the other topic for another day. )