I don't know how to write about my moods,my feeling,and my thoughts,but I wanna pour out all of the crap and bullshit!

 

When Mouse got married on  the 30th April this year,I was present on the wedding at his hometown.That day two classmates around me asked the reason that I looked so despressed, and it was told that I had a hungover from the drinking with them guys last night.It was so ridiculous that they had been convinced of the hell bullshit answer!

 

What many times, I kept imagining always how I would do and accept his bride if I saw Mouse, the groom and I was glancing by Mouse on his wedding. Actully,I kept good with my only senses,even though I never lost him out of my sight at all that wedding.I did all of things to be helpfull to the wedding and prayed everything would be ok for him,for the wedding,even for the bride.I hate to admit the bride is a very nice girl who is beautiful,generous,demure gentle and so on.Maybe it's better they two make a couple than him with me.But I don't wanna accept all the bullshit truth.

 

I had a not bad travel  on the way back to Beijing after the wedding,because of my best friends around me with funny plays , talking and laughing.

 

After arriving at Beijing, we guys got separated to our home.I turned on my cellphone to listen to music something at the subway holding my shoulders with both arms.I couldn't contrled my feeling when the cellphone singing Eason's song“Meeting is inferior to disappear”.So the sunglasses was take out of my bag hanging on my shoulders……

 

After that,I worked hard but i'm just was like a body without soul ,not thinking,not seeping and suddenly weeping.One day another friend was chatting with me in QQ,then I told him all my things:"I 'm gay and falling in love with Mouse six years ago.There're too many things what happened between two us, but  we're best friends and classmates forever and ever and always knowing it.Now,but ,it's just  he's married that I can't beleive and accept……"

 

Sometimes I regards some person as Mouse on the road,on the bus and at the subway;in the end it's found that the some person is just like him a little tiny bit.

 

Recently he always appears and the sense shows again and again from his wedding in my light dream,so that I'm tired and despressed in the morning.

 

But all of my current situation can't be known by him.Now he's married,he is a husband,he has his responsibility,and he needn't know my feeling……

 

So l tell myselfover and over again that I should and will be over him,Mouse .

But how can I be over him?