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Crying myself to sleep
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All through my past days, the reasons my heart is broken pretty much lead back to my parents. In my heart of hearts, my feeling for them about which I can not tell anyone I know is complicated，just like rolling in the deep.I really have appreciation for them bring me to the beautiful world.
It always seems to everyone that I am such a happy girll,having a good education ,and looing beautiful in their eyes.You will never see the sorrow in me wearing a smile on my face all the time. However, hidden behind it,there are so many days all I feel is sorrow and so many nights when I cry to sleep asking myself why my life is not like my peers'.
Since I was a little girl,I have been in a life full of their endless quarrel and even fighting. My mother is a bit of a shirker, and she doesn't seem to understand what means to be a parent and wife,but she does know how to live a good life herself. There is no doubt that she loves me, but she never plays a good role in being my mother. Sometimes, when I am out of my mind, I have to admit that I hate her to some extent and at the same time I feel pity for my dad.It seems to her that all she cares is herself.For about 25 years,she scarcely has been at work.I can not remember how many times I ask myself what if she were not my mother .
I can not understand why I live a poor life when my parents are young and healthy,why I can not feel their love when I am their only daughter,and why they never worry about my future like other parents.
Even though I never give up on myself and keep studying hard,I still question my motivation and have no idea whether they deserve it or not while they give me such a childhood.What is it that prevent me from going ahead?
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Post comment Comment (4 replies)
- Reply ocean0721
- I'm so sorry to hear about your story. Please try your best not to be sad. Each family has its own drama. I often have kind of same feeling with you. You have grown up. It's time to build your own life now.
- Reply zjczjhappy
- Thanks,I just can not tell things like this to persons I know,and I do need say it out to make me feel better
- Reply seshuanglala
- There is a bright future waiting for you only if you have love in your heart .
- Reply zjczjhappy
- Nothing matters if they are not in my future.It seems that I spend all my time waiting for their love for me even when I am no longer a little girl.
seshuanglala: There is a bright future waiting for you only if you have love in your heart .
