In the
past few years, without knowing why, I have become more and
more impressed by the fact that many writers have long since developed the
appetite for keeping a diary, before they could finally earn what people call
the "writer" as a title. This is not merely a petty coincidence. Actually, at
least for those who write in their mother languages, only diaries could be the
bed and board where they would like to settle their souls. The reason why
writers favor diaries is that diaries are in nature characterized
by their writers, while writers in turn have the need of reading their own works
to comfort themselves. Not until a writer has learnt to discover in himself the
sufficient interest will he be able to find for his heart a resting place. If
only he is all the time hanging around in his lonely living, it will prove that
he hasn't learnt the virtues of a lonely life. And, as for these virtues, we are
not to pick up from them a simple air of aloofness, but to acquire the self-appreciation,
as well as the relaxation which could transform inanity into independence. In
the world which is both realistic and material, only writers are capable of deluding the
others together with themselves. To speak frankly, I have faith in it that this
world needs delusion, and that the entire human race needs to know how they
could peacefully bathe in the tub full
of that experience.
不知道为什么,我越来越觉得,许多作家在成为作家以前大都喜欢写日记,这不是一件小小的巧合。是的,至少对于母语作家而言,写日记才是一个真正有作家灵魂的人最贴心的归宿。因为日记主要都是给自己看的,而之所以如此,是因为作家都是孤独的。一个作家一定要先懂得自娱自乐,才能让自己的心灵有所安顿。如果他总是在孤独之中游荡不止,就证明他并没有学会孤独的美德。这美德里包含的不只是单纯的超脱,而是包括了自我的欣赏,包括了化寂寞为独立的轻松感。在现实与物质的世界里,只有作家有无与伦比的自欺欺人的能力。我相信,这个世界需要幻觉,人类也应该懂得如何让自己在幻觉的浴缸里静谧地沐浴。