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Worldliness and Solitude 世俗与孤独
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My elder cousin has been long since telling me to follow a way of the worldliness, in respect that once I get involved in the waterflow of the masses I will be seen by them, connected with them in thought, and regarded in deed as an influential person. I myself, however, am always obsessed with a way of the solitude. I could sense it that only by a self-oriented spirit can I go and create intently with a free hand; only thus can I acquire the most authentic wisdom, although the process is more often than not crawled with doubts and confusions.
For almost a year, I've been wandering between the worldliness and solitude, asking constantly questions to myself. Should I lust for wealth and fame, or should I go for the nature in my heart? Do greed and vanity fall into such nature? What on earth is the difference between solitude and a lonely heart? Can the ideal while absolute solitude really be learned? Now that writers can never do without readers, should they essentially be in solitude? Moreover, when all is said and done, I wonder if I can still have faith in the chastity of love.
At all times I am haunted by those matters, yet I now know nothing that I need but one or some readers and their being friendly and in good faith, so that my works would be given pertinent remarks. I am never on this purpose like a worldly man who would thereby take great pains; I would not be marketing myself and roping others in. Though I once printed books and gave them out, scarcely had I cherished any extravagent hopes about the one or some readers, and I do have no one.
I have belief in one thing only that, to be brought by fate, the one or some readers will never fail to come, if only I write in earnest and put my works out even till they are widespread. Things as such, whether before or after I could have a reader, are consistent in solitude, so I would not feel impatient any more.
我的姐姐一直告诫我学会走一条世俗的路，因为只有这样你才能把自己跻身于大众的水流之中，才会被人看见，你的思想才能通于别人的思想，你的作为才是有影响的作为。我自己则总是迷恋于一条孤独的路。我感到只有把精神集中到自我的中心，才能够怀着心无旁骛的心情去创造，才能得到最真正的智慧，尽管这个过程往往总是充满了怀疑和迷惘。
近一年以来，我在世俗与孤独之间彷徨着，不断问自己许多的问题。是追求名利，还是追求真性情？欲望和虚荣是真性情吗？孤独和寂寞的区别到底是什么？理想中的孤独可能被学会吗？既然离不开读者，作家还理应是孤独的吗？还有，我到底还能不能相信爱情？
对这些问题我无时无刻不感到困惑。但是，现在的我只知道，我终究需要一个或者一些读者，他们友好而且真诚，愿意给我的文章给予评论。我从来不像一个世俗的人一样去苦心孤诣地追求这个目的，去传销自己，拉拢别人，尽管我自己印过书发给朋友们，但我内心里从来没有奢望过自己会因此得到那一个或者一些读者，而事实上我也确实没有得到。
我只相信一点，就是只要我认认真真地写文章，真诚而郑重地发表甚至传播出去，我需要的那一个或者一些读者一定会随着缘分而来。这样的事情，读者来前，读者来后，孤独不变，我亦不急。
