Having now lived in China for 5 years, friends back home in the US often ask me about the difference between the two countries. Chinese friends ask me this also. I hate to make sweeping generalizations that over-simplify the diversity and variation within each country, but people want you to encapsulate the experience – so I make them anyway.

Lately I’ve been taking note of differences – clear, objective, consistent differences between the two countries – that I can relay to friends who ask. I don’t think these particular ones connect to form of a greater trend, or represent the essential difference between the two countries, they are just snapshots. Here are those snapshots:

#1: Traffic Laws Are Not Laws in China

Living in China for a long time de-sensitizes you to the differences in traffic practices that you noticed when you first arrived.

Sometimes it takes the frightened screaming of your visiting aunt to remind you that Americans only sparingly venture into the oncoming lane of traffic. In China drivers cross the center lane casually, nonchalantly, seemingly without imperative to yield when approached by an oncoming car. Sometimes passing cars just brake, move slightly to their right, and challenge the driver with the right of way to squeeze around them.

I remember being in a taxi on a congested lane, during one such game of low-speed chicken. As we slowed to a stop in the wrong lane of traffic, I remember my surprise that the other driver, who squeezed around to our left, didn’t even honk as he passed us. I was amazed that our brazen behavior was not even deemed a honk-worthy violation. I imagine the logic behind this aggressive approach to urban driving as akin to the doctrine of ‘mutually assured destruction’ that was practiced by the US and the Soviet Union during the cold war. If both parties appreciate the fact that their lives are in the hands of the other, they have a clear incentive to work it out, to yield.

I suspect that the chance that driving in the wrong lane of traffic will result in a head-on collision is even higher in the US than China, because oncoming drivers might choose not to yield on principle.

#2: One Menu Per Table in China

This is actually this part of a larger difference between Chinese and US dining culture, namely, in China the guest and host roles are much more significant and traditionally engrained.

In the US, each person gets their own menu, because each person orders for him or herself. If you go out to eat in China, often (and traditionally) one person orders for the whole table, because that person, the host, will be picking up the check. Treating someone to a meal is a form of social currency in China, acknowledged and redeemable within the moral economy of interpersonal relationships.

Another difference about ordering food in China that catches many Westerners off-guard is the timing. In the US, a waiter usually gives you a few minutes alone with the menu before you order, but in China waiters usually expect you to start ordering as soon as you receive the menu. When I was a newly arrived foreigner in China, on unsure footing with the language, it was always anxiety inducing when a waiter would hand me a long, all-Chinese menu and then stand there expectantly, with pen poised, waiting to take my order. I felt rude making the waiter stand for a long time while I contemplated my order, so after a few moments of fruitlessly scanning the menu, I would often just stab wildly at any dish featuring a recognizable character for meat, hoping for the best. This strategy produced mixed results.

#3: Chicken is Valued Differently

I never questioned the supremacy of white meat before I started living outside of the US. I always assumed that the most desirable (and most highly valued) part of the chicken – the breast – was a matter on which there was international consensus. Not so.

Enhancing chicken breast size has been an objective of the American poultry industry for years, but in China (and many other countries) consumers prefer dark meat, which is said to be more flavorful. If dark meat is more flavorful, why are chicken breasts so popular in the US? Maybe for Americans, the convenience of a single boneless piece of meat has outweighed any flavor considerations, as aesthetics have overtaken flavor among our preferences for tomatoes. Having grown up with the assumption that breast meat was most favorable, it befuddled me to discover upon arrival in Chengdu that kung pao chicken, the delicious standard-bearer of Sichuan cuisine, generously heaped with cubes of chicken breast could somehow be less expensive than pepper chicken (辣子鸡,) which looked like nothing but a pile of hot peppers and greasy jagged bones.

American tastes may be shifting however. Recently a preference for dark meat has started to appear in the American market, with demand for thighs and legs growing.

#4. China is Often Diaper-Free

Many children in China definitely do use diapers, but the fraction of people exploring other options – notably split trousers – feels significant. I can definitely see the appeal of crotchless pants for young children. Split trousers combine the comfort of having your genitals exposed to open air with the quintessentially Chinese lack of personal space exemplified by defecating in public.

From a parent’s perspective, they are also tantalizingly convenient – you can avoid the unpleasant task of changing diapers and save money in the process. In the US, privacy and individual rights are sacrosanct. But in urban China, where body boundaries and notions of personal space have been pragmatically reshaped by the constraints of density, and the inescapable proximity of other humans, it’s understandable that people have grown accustomed to watching children relieve themselves on the sidewalk.

When I see children pooping and peeing publicly, I look at the faces of their parents, and rarely detect even a hint of embarrassment. But expat life can make things that were once shocking become passé. After a while, you see a parent dangling an infant over a trashcan on a public street and you don’t even look twice.

To my Western eyes, the practice is unsightly, but whether or not it is any more unsanitary for a child than a pet to defecate publicly， I am not sure. In a country with so many people, being squeamish may just not be practical.

#5. In China, It Is Acceptable to Tell Someone They’ve Gained Weight

It goes without saying that commenting about weight gain in the US is uncouth (to say the least,) but in China, people view such remarks very differently. Not only is it not rude to talk about a persons weight in China, among close friends it feels almost expected.

I sense that my Chinese friends go out of their way to comment on my weight. They say confidently, ‘you’ve definitely lost weight,’ or ‘you’ve put on a few pounds,’ when I’m sure that I am pretty much the same size I was when I last saw them. It seems to be a polite way to inquire about someone’s health.

Your girth is a baseline indicator of your general health, and when you haven’t seen someone in a while, it’s nice to let them know that you are taking note of their physical well-being. It’s not just a comment on someone’s appearance, people use weight as a segue to inquire about other subject, saying things like, ‘oh, you’ve lost weight, you must be working too hard at work,’ or ‘your wife must be treating you pretty well, you’ve gotten fatter.’

You know what you can’t do though? Call a Chinese girl short. A couple years ago I made a remark about the height of one of my girlfriend’s friends, in the presence of the vertically challenged lady, and I have been hearing about it ever since. I didn’t realize at the time how insulting the remark would be perceived. But in China, where slender figures are nearly ubiquitous, height is the trait that comes at a premium.

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我在中国居住了五年，美国家乡的朋友经常问我这两个国家之间的区别。中国的朋友也会问我。我很不喜欢用全面归纳来简化每个国家的多样性和变化性，但是人们希望听到你总结自己的经验——所以我还是照做了。

最近我记录了清晰，客观，连贯的两国差异——这样有朋友问的时候就可以讲给他们听了。我认为这些具体的区别与大趋势无关，也不能代表两国之间本质不同，它们只是简单的印象。下面就是那些简单印象。

#1：在中国，交通法不是法

在中国居住得久了，你就会习惯于刚到中国时所不适应的交通状况差异。

有时是前来拜访你的姨妈的尖叫声才使你想起到你美国人很少冒险冲进迎面而来的车流。中国司机经常随意穿过马路中央，一点都不觉得当与别的车辆相遇时应该退让。有时候当右边有车路过时司机会急刹车，并且向右挪来挤占右边的车道使对方无法通过。

我记得有一次坐出租，大家就像慢速鸡的游戏一样挤来挤去。记得当时我们在错误的车道上减速停车，另一个在左边挤着走的司机经过时竟然不摁喇叭。我感到很吃惊，我们那样的无耻做法都不被看做值得鸣笛提醒的违法行为。我想，这种你争我夺的城市驾驶方法背后的逻辑很像美苏冷战时期实行的“同归于尽”原则。如果双方都明白自己的生命掌握在对方手中这样的事实，他们就有了解决问题的动力，有了退让的动力。

我怀疑在美国由于在错误的车道上行车导致撞车的几率甚至比中国还高，因为迎面而来的司机可能会选择坚持原则不退让。

#2在中国，一桌只有一份菜单

这其实是一个很大的中美餐饮文化差异，也就是说，在中国，客人和主人的角色的意义更加重大，在传统上也更加根深蒂固。

在美国点菜时，每个人都有一份菜单，因为大家都是分别点菜的。而在中国，当你外出就餐时，一般（传统上）会有一个人会为全桌的人点菜。因为这个人，也就是东道主，最后会付钱。在中国，请客吃饭是一种通用的社交方式，它在人际关系的道德经济中为人们所公认并且是可以礼尚往来的。

另一个西方人可能没有注意到的中美点菜方法的不同就是点菜的时间。在美国，服务员都会把菜单给你，并且留几分钟让你单独考虑要点什么，但是在中国，服务员更期待你一拿到菜单就开始点菜。当我还是一个刚到中国的外国人时，语言掌握得也不是很好，点菜的时候就经常感到焦虑。因为服务员会拿来一份长长的全中文菜单，然后就站在那里拿着笔等我点菜。我觉得让服务员站着等的时间太长了会很不礼貌，所以我只是浏览一下菜单，然后随便指一个名字里包含我认识的肉类的菜，期待它很好吃。这种策略带来的结果有好有坏。

#3鸡肉的价值不同

在我离开美国之前，我从没质疑过白肉（注：禽类的胸部和翅膀等处的肉）至高无上的地位。我一直觉得鸡肉中最好吃，价值最高的部分就是鸡胸肉这件事全世界都是一致认同的。

但事实不是这样。

多年来美国家禽业的主要生产对象就是鸡胸肉，但是中国（还有很多其他国家）的消费者更喜欢黑肉（注：禽类的腿等部分烧不白的肉），在他们看来黑肉更加可口。如果黑肉更好吃，为什么鸡胸肉会在美国那么受欢迎呢？也许对于美国人来说，无骨肉带来的便利比好吃更加重要，就像我们选择番茄时更重视外表是否好看而不是吃起来是否可口。在我的成长中一直相信白肉更好吃，所以当我刚到成都时发现了川菜中的招牌菜宫保鸡丁居然比辣子鸡便宜时，就有点糊涂了。宫保鸡丁里有满满一盘子鸡胸肉丁，可辣子鸡看起来不过就是油腻腻，乱糟糟的鸡骨头上撒了很多辣椒啊。

不过美国人的口味也在变。最近美国市场上也开始出现黑肉了，对于鸡腿的需求在增长。

#4中国小孩不用尿布

当然很多中国小孩是用尿布的，但是有一部分人找到了一些其他值得我们注意的办法——尤其是穿开裆裤。我完全能看出开裆裤对小孩子的吸引。它结合了光屁股的舒适感和典型的中国私人空间的缺乏，这种缺乏尤其表现在公共场合大小便。

中国家长还觉得开裆裤特别方便，因为不用换尿布，还能省下买尿布的钱。在美国，隐私和个人权利是神圣不可侵犯的。但是在中国的都市，身体界限和私人空间的观念实际上已被重新塑造，这是因为人口密度的限制和不可避免的与他人的接触。所以人们习惯于在路边看到小孩方便是可以理解的。

当我看到小孩在公共场合大小便时，我会看他们父母的脸，很少发现一丝尴尬。但是在国外的时间长了，过去让你感到震惊的事情也变得不足为奇。不久后，当发现一个家长在街旁的垃圾桶给婴儿把尿，你都懒得看第二眼。

从一个西方人的眼光看，我觉得这种做法是很不雅的，但是我不确定小孩子在街边大小便是否比宠物在街边大小便更不卫生。在这样一个人口大国，过分讲究确实不实际。

#5. 在中国，你可以说别人变胖了

我感觉中国的朋友不厌其烦地评论我的体重。他们肯定的说“你瘦了”或者“你胖了几斤”，但我很确定我跟上次见他们时是一样重的。好像在这里询问别人的健康状况是一件很礼貌的事情。

腰围是衡量一个人健康的基本指标，当你有一阵子没见某个人时，让对方知道你在留意他们的身体状况是一件很好的事。这不仅仅是评价别人的外貌，因为接在体重之后他们会继续问其他的事情，比方说“哦，你瘦了，肯定是工作太辛苦，”或者“你老婆一定对你很好吧，你都吃胖了。”

你知道你不能做什么吗？你不能说一个中国女孩低。几年前我当面评论过我女朋友的一个很低的朋友的身高，在那之后我还听说这件事。当时我并没有意识到这样说对她来说是很侮辱人的。但是在人们普遍苗条的中国，长得高是大家所追求的特质。

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This blog is written by an American who has been living in Chengdu for several years. I think it's good for us to see ourselves from a different perspective, it helps us to make our society better.

The blogger is quiet objective about China, I'm glad that he can understand why those unpleasant problems exist here, and despite all the uncomfortable things he has found here, he still loves China.He also had wrote many blogs about his life in Chengdu. An interesting foreigner in China.