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This is the hardest part for me to write, as I always remember: write your sad times in sand, write your great times in stone. Luckily, my memory is terribly bad, it has been faded…I would like only recall the happiest moment.
However, when I read some articles from what you guys’ posting, someone are still struggling: how to pursue their dream, how to get out of the life they don’t enjoy, truly I can understand that feeling very much as I was in the same boat as you.
In my early 20s, I probably was the worst scenario compared to all you guys here. You might curious: “what happened to you, you seems having a great life at the moment.” Yes, that’s true, but you may not know, I had several times nearly hurt myself by eating coated ends of matches mixed with water, as I wanna myself getting sick, I pretended to be stomachache, so that I could go to the hospital in order to avoid people in the company, I hoped if there was an earthquake or a flood, how happy I could be, my life would be changed automatically.
Every day whenever I stepped into the office, I could hear the voice all day around no matter a joke or a seriously care: “When are you gonna marry? When are you gonna marry? Your boyfriend will be worried for not getting married? ” I was sooo weak that time, it seemed everyone’s against me if I told them my true feeling: “I am not prepared enough to get married” I could spend whole day gossiping with them, but if anyone saw me doing any study, a sarcastic voice can be heard: “You study very hard, I never study as hard as you.” I was useless, I didn’t know how to against them as I would be isolated or laughed at if I did anything different from them.
In my age, there’s almost no choice for me quitting the job. If I quit the job, that means I lost security all my life, no wages, no medicare sort of, and there was very little chance for the society to provide a new job. Only very few risk takers started running their private companies.
I couldn’t stand that environment, I could not feel there’s life, the only thing I could do was wasting time gossiping with everyone in order to make them happy. My heart told me I couldn’t to be that sort of person as I still held a dream—from the books I read regarding someone being brave enough quit the job pursuing his or her dream overseas, that was very interesting story to me.
For several time, I cleared the desk, I was gonna say good bye to my colleagues, but I couldn’t step out, one lady told me: “ you can’t quit the job, you will regret forever.” My dad was an open-minded one, I talked with him, he stood in the middle: “ok, you do whatever you like.” However, my husband a conservative gentleman told me: “you can’t quit the job, you can’t find a job as relaxing as your company.” (Well, in the end, I got married, as I was not strong enough to face those gossip ones, I thought if I got married, no one would bother me anymore.) I heard from all my relatives and friends: “no, you can’t quit the job, you will lose security.”
I was deeply in the darkness, I couldn’t see any lights ahead, there was only one image on my mind: my Aunt, who was working in the USA, she was my hope, but I didn’t contact with her for so long time as she left home when she was 18, the international phone call was very expensive, no emails at that time,so I can only remember her from my memory and expectation as I kept her on my mind to be my hero.
I set up a goal: I must study English as hard as possible, so that I could pass TOFEL or GRE, hopefully, my Aunt could help me in some way, that was just a good wish. I had no idea what’s going on later on.
But my English was almost on “0” level, I gotta go to work wasting whole day there, I didn't have much time study at home as I had responsibility taking care of my daughter, picking her up and taking her to school. I was sooo frustrated, if I couldn’t realize my dream, I had to end up my life in that company, how disappointed that would be, I haven’t experienced life, I haven’t seen a different world.
I was very excited by one quote which wrote on the New Oriental School Book: Hew a stone of hope out of a mountain of despair and you can make your life a splendid one. Wow, how wonderful that was, how heart was touhed, I could see a little hope ahead. I read that quote over and over….
At the end of 1990s, it was very popular in China for most of people over 45 got redundant, our company encouraged people to quit their job, while a lot of people were crying sadly for losing their job forever. One day, my heart was telling me: you had to quit your job, this was the last chance, I suddenly stood up , yes,yes, I had to make a decision. After the consent of my Dad, I was brave enough to tell my boss: I didn't wanna keep current position, and then passed my resignation letter.
I wanna cry, I wanna laught, I got my freedom eventually, I could make full use of my time, I was gonna no longer waste one more minute. I got started my new life from learning English. That’s what I wrote on my blog: passion with English how hard I did self-taught English study.
Since then, my life has been turned into a completely new chapter: I could do whatever I like, no matter fail or success. I am becoming a strong me, I am no longer afraid of anyone, I only listen to my heart, I will live a life I like.
Daughter and i when she was little in China
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Post comment Comment (11 replies)
- Reply teadrinking
- You suffered the tough time before in a domestic company and fianlly you stepped out bravely. Though the process of quitting that job was very hard, at least you did it.
We are usually asked more of those private questions, such as the marraige, kids, income and condtion about ownership of a house or a car, etc.
To be honest, I am sick of those questions. I just do what I do and pursue what I like. That is none of their business. Because I know even if I tell some of my difficulties, most of those guys would not do me a favour. We are alone to fight for ourslves. Say goodbye to their sarcastic and malicious words, we are doing on our own.
You know what. Jumping out a swamp is not that easy, while it is brilliant once you go over the mess and start the new life as you want.
Both your daugher and you are so cute in the picture. Good luck, you are gonna make and lead a good life as you want.
You have done well.
- Reply sunnyv
- What an inspiring experience. We would not have known you this well if you didn't describe your past experience. We would have thought that you are a risk taker. In fact, you are a daring, down to earth and practical person. You seem to be tougher and more decisive than me.
Now here we are, your past agonizing experience is just as bitter as mine. I also had to face the difficult decision of quitting my job and - jumping the boat, so to speak, and venture into my own business. The risk of failure was very high. A clear voice in my brain told me, go for it ... it is now or never. So I flunked everything and went into business bruising every part of me in the struggling process.
Those gossipy relations politics you suffered are still going on in today's offices. It is indeed nerve wrecking for a girl or marriage age. They keep pushing you into a corner until you surrender to their pressures.
You were in a particularly challenging position as in those days, going overseas is more a dream than reality. Not everyone could make that dream come true. You need a lot of effort and willpower to achieve that. Abandoning a job at a state owned enterprises would seem to be insane and I can imagine the pressure you were under at that time. Next, learning English is easier said than done and it is amazing that you managed to pass TOEFL which is required for the visa. I have seen the past questions of TOEFL and I found it quite difficult. Finally the life changing decision to go alone and study in Australia. This is what opened the door to real opportunities to you in your land of hope. Should you not have taken this decision, you would probably be holding some lowly clerical job in some boring company back in hometown.
You and your kid look so healthy and happy. Keep it that way.
Now that you are living the kind of life you desire, you should treasure that and live it to the best. There is a bright future ahead of you.
- Reply sweetolive
- Thanks Teadrinking:
teadrinking: You suffered the tough time before in a domestic company and fianlly you stepped out bravely. Though the process of quitting that job was very hard, a ...
I recon you were born in time as you have a variety of choices than the time I did, so you are a lucky one.
Yes, I dislike people who never try to give you a hand whenever you need, on the other hand, they criticize you, jealous you or gossip about you, leave no personal space for you, which could drive you mental. There’s always this kind of person exist, if you know how to deal with them with your willpower, then you will be a winner.
Now I am strong enough to deal with toxic people. I will say no to them, ignore them or leave them. The most important thing is doing things you like, eventually, you will live a life you want. I can tell you are a very positive one. Well done!!! All the best for you.
- Reply sweetolive
- Thanks very much for your understanding, Sunnyv:
sunnyv: What an inspiring experience. We would not have known you this well if you didn't describe your past experience. We would have thought that you are a ...
Hey, I have found quite a lot of new words and phrases from your comments, and I am writing it down on my vocabularies notes, it’s a good way of learning English, right. thanks for that. :D
I Recon you are a very unique and brave one as majority of Westerners are just settled to be employees. Probably that hardship has developed you and me a stronger, happier version and enjoy more than those who ever started a business in a very easy way or studying overseas unwillingly under the pressure of their parents, we have made our own choice, so we know well how to treasure the life we got, that’s what I mean you won’t feel much happier without trying hard no matter driving a BMW or living in a mansion.
I never liked involved in a gossip, that will destroy you, worse, get mentally illness. In Australian company, it’s better, very few people care about your privacy, no matter marry or single, no one will push you, so I am happy about that.
Sadly, the majority people of my age don’t have choice—they only work in one company the whole of their life until retirement or just get promoted or changing a job position by other people rather than their own choice, I am glad I caught the last train, but it took me 10 years to struggling out. In that period, to be a taxi driver or selling tea-eggs earned more than a professor in the Uni or a medical doctor in the hospital, but still very little people will take a risk to quit a job, it is said only those who “eat the crab” would do it or someone has been to jail.
Very luck for the current young generation, they have as many choices as westerners, I can’t see much difference living in China or overseas.
By the way, I took IELTS rather than TOFEL as I studied in Australia. Also I appreciate my Dad who gave me financially support, he was a much much bigger risk taker than me, on the other hand, he had experienced tremendous hardship than what people can imagine, he was a real person who “ eat the crab”- to be successful is never as easy as what people think.
- Reply sunnyv
- Now we know you better and you have become one of our most sincere friends here. You certainly deserve the enviable quality life that you are currently enjoying in Australia. It is your hard earned privilege so treasure it and make the most out of it. There would be lots of ups and downs in life but you have seen the worst so there is nothing which you cannot handle.
sweetolive: Thanks very much for your understanding, Sunnyv:
Hey, I have found quite a lot of new words and phrases from your comments, and I am writing it down ...
- Reply teadrinking
- Say no to people needs huge bravery, now you learn to cope with everything, I think you can do it well.
sweetolive: Thanks Teadrinking:
I recon you were born in time as you have a variety of choices than the time I did, so you are a lucky one.
Yes, I dislike peopl ...
Good luck and thanks for your sharing. One thing we should know that everyone else sufered something or experienced something, it is fine only if we can get well and finally survive.
- Reply sweetolive
- Thanks, Sunnyv:
sunnyv: Now we know you better and you have become one of our most sincere friends here. You certainly deserve the enviable quality life that you are currentl ...
Also I appreciate you stay in Dio for reading our blogs and replying, I know that is not an easy job, only you are passionate about how to help people out when they are down , then you can make it. You are the hope and light for them. As if I had a person who could communicate with in my 20s, I would not have struggled for so long to get out.
- Reply sweetolive
- Say no to people is also an ability, Which is an important element for success. As if you accept everything or everyone you dislike, that means you ignore yourself, you sacrifice yourself in order to cater for other people, which consume your time and your heart. Yes, it takes time for you totally to be yourself by saying no to toxic people or thing.
teadrinking: Say no to people needs huge bravery, now you learn to cope with everything, I think you can do it well.
Good luck and thanks for your sharing. One t ...
- Reply sunnyv
sweetolive: Thanks, Sunnyv:
Also I appreciate you stay in Dio for reading our blogs and replying, I know that is not an easy job, only you are passionate about ho ...
- Reply cicipurple
- I’m really touched by your story and sincerely appreciate your courage and selflessness to share your real life experience. To be honest, I have been through the same situation when I was in the university. Even though I have been working as an intern in a company now, there are still colleagues who tend to say unpleasant words to hurt my feelings and impact my emotions negatively. We have to admit that people who always waste time and do nothing tend to frown upon behaviours of hard workers. The harder the latter work, the more discontented the former feel. And for people like us, who want to make some differences but at the same time are extremely sensitive, a simple sentence can hurt us because we can read spite and sneer from it. Therefore, sometimes we would do something that we don’t want to do to cater to others because we are afraid of being hated or isolated. However, the truth is perhaps, our compromises might satisfy others but will only make us feel worse and hate ourselves. As an old saying goes, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” We have to make a choice between being popular among peers and being ourselves. Of course, there’s no denying that there are flexible people who are able to be themselves and be popular at the same time. But for person like me who are easily influenced by others’ behaviours, words or even facial expressions. What we should do is stopping catering to others and focusing on changing our own minds and thoughts. As far as I’m concerned, the biggest reason that pushes us to go with the stream is the feeling of insecurity. To be honest, although sometimes I would still do something to satisfy others, I have unchangeable principles that nobody could shake it. However, as a girl who is just going to graduate from the university, I still don’t know how to let the feeling of insecurity go and I’m trying to find a way to focus on the things I do care without being influenced by those who harbour malicious intentions. Finally, maybe I have said too much but what I have mentioned are all my true feelings.
- Reply sweetolive
- Thanks for reading my article.
cicipurple: I’m really touched by your story and sincerely appreciate your courage and selflessness to share your real life experience. To be honest, I have been ...
No, I don’t think you need care too much about other people’s opinion towards you, otherwise, you will never be happy about yourself.
You still can talk with your colleagues occasionally, otherwise , they will think you are a monster. But sometimes the topics you hate, then you don’t have to involve in it.
It’s better the work is very busy, then nobody has time to gossip, just work and go home, then you will be much happier for not listening to others’ talking.
But most company is not that busy all the time.
Actually, it’s the same no matter Australia or China, gossip and bully exists in the office all the time. just like you, I am not a person who likes talking rubbish.
Now I am becoming strong minded, so I don’t care other people too much. If my work is not very busy, I will spend time replying comments, which makes me happy.
If you know how to fill your free time do things you like, even in the company, you will become happier , the worst thing is spend time think how other people treat you bad, please get rid of that negative thoughts.
