Amazingly I've learned English more than 20 years, but nearly can't communicate with a native speaker, how poor it is. 

Look back the path I've passed in studying, I can't bear crying for the hard work day-to-day which has wasted my enjoying time too much. 

Sometimes I even suspected my ability in mastering foreign language. 

Although a quick fix never steps into my mind, the low efficiency and uselessness, fully complying with narcissism, make me stifle.  Emerging in the perseverance of mechanical repeat and imitation every morning, which lets outside myself admire and sends me somewhat untrue prosperity.

Now, I, more and more, am realizing whether I am a gambler, who has bet all, struggling on the verge of the desk, but left nothing.

What can I do?