The fourth Thursday was followed by troubles. At noon as soon as Sophie returned to the dorm, she heard Linda exclaiming: “Sophie, you did not pass the p class. Go and have a look!”

This news had struck Sophie dumb. It took her some minutes to compose herself. 

“How did you know that?” she was as nervous as a witch and as cross as a bear. 

Linda was annoyed. She said: “I told you because this information will be good for you, today I saw a sheet of paper, showing that you did not pass your p class.”

On hearing this, Sophie was too anxious to eat anything. She hastened to the department offices to check the matter. When the teachers in the offices heard that she did not pass the exam, they somewhat looked down upon her. Sophie thought again and again, “I did not miss a single class, and I answered the questions very well, why didn’t I pass the exam?!”

From the afternoon till the evening, Sophie visited many offices. Some of the offices were empty and some teachers said it was none of their business. When Sophie thought she had to learn this useless lesson again, she was rather annoyed. 

In the evening she stayed in the dark dorm alone. Unhappy memories crossed her mind. Her unhappy childhood. 

Her M had been very low self-estimated. She stopped schooling when she was very young. She seldom communicated with the outside world. So she was very sensitive of Sophie’ s attitude toward her. Sometimes she was extremely nervous. In return, Sophie stubbornly resisted her M’s control. She thought she had a right to do what she pleased. As a result, her M always beat her or scolded her in public. And it was very common for her M to beat her or scold her at home. 

As a young child, she had never been a good student. At one or two grades in primary school, she seldom passed her exams. So unfortunately, her teachers and classmates laughted at her. She never knew how to revolt. She had to face everything all by herself and lay blamed on herself.

All of the unfortunate experience combined to form the strange personality of Sophie. In one aspect, hard-working and determined, she successfully got the qualification of coming to college, but once any teacher or classmate pointed out her disadvantages, she must argue, debate or protest, to defend and protect her fragile feelings. On the other hand, she was very weak, pessimistic, and she never was intimate with any good friends. She feared that she might be hurt. Ever since she came to college, she had turned much more optimistic, and her M was not as severe to her as before. But this new failure had reminded her of her unhappy past. She thought, the destiny was so unfair to her. She did get low scores, but she meant no harm, why should everyone treat her so cruelly? She thought she was very stupid, and could never adapt herself to the rules of the reality. 

At this moment, her revolting personality had developed to an extreme. She had a vague feeling that there was something abnormal inside her, and this kind of difference was the source of her unhappiness. She had a strong desire to live in her ideal, but sometimes she could not change the reality. So she was very painful. She somewhat hated this world. She thought of d. She wanted to escape from her pains and to a pure paradise full of bliss and no agony. 

But Sophie was not a brave person at all. She was fearful of d. In fact, she only wanted to escape from her pains. But her life was like a narrow seam of skylight in a confined place. How could she view life in a broad way, and how could she forget the past and live in true happiness?