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missing is like the wild grass
"returning the bright pearl to you,
thanking you for your good manners for me,
will you receive the sword of the wisdom from me,
which you can cut off the threads of the missing for me with it? "
it's a traditional chinese poem,which long ago i read in a very famous kungfu novel,the legend of chu liuxiang,written by the well-known kungfu novel writer,gulong.
in the novel it might be a dear john letter to an unlucky young man,which later became a taoist preist because of the great pain of losing the girl's love.
at that time i was about 10 years old,didn't and couldn't understand what the poem meant and how the letter receiver felt.
untill now,at the age of 30,not knowing lucky or not,i start to be able to understand it.how ridiculous!maybe the fate begins to play a joke on me again.
the world is essencialy a tragedy,which always processes in the ways of a comedy.maybe it's our most sorrow.
being at the age of 30,i find it so ridiculous that i can't help to miss such a little girl like this,who knows nothing in her world but watching korean tv plays,getting gather with her friends,singing,talking and drinking....in fact,i really don't know whether i should cry or laugh.
remembering catching the first sight of her,what i saw was just a lovely and nice girl,appearing a little bit quiet.latter on i was suprised to find out that when she began to talk,it was like pouring and no one could cut it in.that night fanlly she looked a little shy and said that she was actually not outgoing.only then,i finnaly caught an opportunity to speak up,with a smile,telling her that in fact it was her that had been talking during the whole night.
maybe she always regarded me as an ordinary man,a reliable big brother,but knowing little what kind of man i was.at that time it was probably that no one told her about it.i don't know when she found out that and just konw that after some time she suddenly refused to answered all my messases.
it's nothing surprised me,i had known it would turn out like this.she might be scared.some of my glorious stories are enough to make most people fear with awe. i really want to see how she looked when she heard about me,but that is impossible.
it is no use doing anything.
but as time goes by,the missing for her is growing and rising like the wild grass in the deserted plain,which grows and entangles my heart more and more,tighter and tighter...i tried to cut it away,burn it off,but a few days later it just began to come out from some coner of my heart,rising unconsciously to the bank of my river of the mind.
i am almost in despire about it.
god,have i done anything wrong again?why am i supposed to be punished like this?while hearing her name,i always try to be the same as usual on the surface,but actually my heart would immediately feel the pain,straight to the bottom.
in the ancient china,among the taoist believers,there's a saying:by reaching the state of the ultimate realm,one can forget love.maybe i haven't achived the realm,but i want to give a try.i just know that i was not born for it.maybe i cannot control my fate,but i'm able and will be able to control my mind.
the well-known taoist true man,zhuanzi once said,than struggling to try to immerse each other with the foam in a drying pool,why can't we forget each other and head for the great rivers and lakes?
so,please,let me,forget it,even while the grass is still rising.
thanking you for your good manners for me,
will you receive the sword of the wisdom from me,
which you can cut off the threads of the missing for me with it? "
it's a traditional chinese poem,which long ago i read in a very famous kungfu novel,the legend of chu liuxiang,written by the well-known kungfu novel writer,gulong.
in the novel it might be a dear john letter to an unlucky young man,which later became a taoist preist because of the great pain of losing the girl's love.
at that time i was about 10 years old,didn't and couldn't understand what the poem meant and how the letter receiver felt.
untill now,at the age of 30,not knowing lucky or not,i start to be able to understand it.how ridiculous!maybe the fate begins to play a joke on me again.
the world is essencialy a tragedy,which always processes in the ways of a comedy.maybe it's our most sorrow.
being at the age of 30,i find it so ridiculous that i can't help to miss such a little girl like this,who knows nothing in her world but watching korean tv plays,getting gather with her friends,singing,talking and drinking....in fact,i really don't know whether i should cry or laugh.
remembering catching the first sight of her,what i saw was just a lovely and nice girl,appearing a little bit quiet.latter on i was suprised to find out that when she began to talk,it was like pouring and no one could cut it in.that night fanlly she looked a little shy and said that she was actually not outgoing.only then,i finnaly caught an opportunity to speak up,with a smile,telling her that in fact it was her that had been talking during the whole night.
maybe she always regarded me as an ordinary man,a reliable big brother,but knowing little what kind of man i was.at that time it was probably that no one told her about it.i don't know when she found out that and just konw that after some time she suddenly refused to answered all my messases.
it's nothing surprised me,i had known it would turn out like this.she might be scared.some of my glorious stories are enough to make most people fear with awe. i really want to see how she looked when she heard about me,but that is impossible.
it is no use doing anything.
but as time goes by,the missing for her is growing and rising like the wild grass in the deserted plain,which grows and entangles my heart more and more,tighter and tighter...i tried to cut it away,burn it off,but a few days later it just began to come out from some coner of my heart,rising unconsciously to the bank of my river of the mind.
i am almost in despire about it.
god,have i done anything wrong again?why am i supposed to be punished like this?while hearing her name,i always try to be the same as usual on the surface,but actually my heart would immediately feel the pain,straight to the bottom.
in the ancient china,among the taoist believers,there's a saying:by reaching the state of the ultimate realm,one can forget love.maybe i haven't achived the realm,but i want to give a try.i just know that i was not born for it.maybe i cannot control my fate,but i'm able and will be able to control my mind.
the well-known taoist true man,zhuanzi once said,than struggling to try to immerse each other with the foam in a drying pool,why can't we forget each other and head for the great rivers and lakes?
so,please,let me,forget it,even while the grass is still rising.
