i have no idea what's the matter with myself;  recently i feel bored and out of my mind; i like trance, keeping calm, thinking nothing, quiet feeling; such expression maybe have an influence on the others around me, they maybe misunderstand or thought i have something, etc. i have no idea....... maybe the holiday is coming soon, so many people are homesick and resign recently; when i feel free, or have nothing to do, i always go to the workshop and help others;  under such situation, i can't wait to disappear from this place as soon as possible. i really feel myself useless; just one friend on the dioenglish said that blur, blur...