Blogs
Am I wrong?
Hot 5 |
After working, I found a great challenge for me is communicating. In the past days, I was a very typical nerd and I didn’t have any other recreations except studying. Actually, I was not that keen on study, but I didn’t have any choice, only because I was experiencing too much pressure from my family and relatives around. My poor family condition pushed me to think that I was the only hope to change the living status, so if I didn’t work hard with more than 100% efforts, I would feel very guilty. In China, if one’s child was very excellent in school, the parents would definitely feel proud and have confidence to flatter. And I was exactly that kind of child. I had to say, I had gained lots of glories at school and admirations from my classmates, my good performances made me feel superior.
However, when I started working, all those glories went away from me. Sometimes I even hated to mention my “hard-working school days” , because those things would let others think I was a nerd. As a new one, I didn’t know what to talk about with my colleagues. Though, they were at different ages, I was reluctant to talk about “children’s things “with the old ones, and I showed little interest talking about “fashion or celebrities’ things ”with the young ones. Sometimes, I told myself to do some change, to talk about something that others were interested in. And I really did, but I felt so terrible and bored, because what I was doing just made me think I was intentionally pleasing others. Furthermore, when I started one topic that others liked but I did not, others indeed had more to say, while I didn’t knew much about that, so I turned into a listener. Hence, a talk that I initiated ended in my silence. And my speechlessness in a talk made others feel I was a boring person.
It might be due to my family, I was growing up under a rather strict family education. So I was a little too conservative about something. When I heard others talked about “grown-up things like sex”, I would feel uneasy and bashful. At my working site, a few young colleagues always gathered together to play jokes on everything, it seemed that they knew everything and they always had something to talk about whenever they were with. And it turned out those people went so well with people around, and their outgoing and funny talking style left a very good impression on our leaders. I felt those people were omnipotent once in a talking, and I admired them so much. On the other hand, despite of admiration, I was so reluctant to join them, and I hated to be played jokes on. Sometimes, when I might be in some low emotion, I would show somewhat difference to their jokes, and that made them embarrassed, I felt embarrassed too.
I really didn’t want to be a person that pleases others, I really felt that was too hard for me. But that was a trend in this society. People with diplomatic and funny talking skills were always the favorites of the bosses, and they had the ability to make good impression on all the people around them. However, my shyness, my introversion, and my conservativeness made that ability far out of my reach. How should I escape from the awkward situation, how could I not look that stupid and ignorant? There is a long way to go, there is too much to change. So far, I felt I did wrong in communicating, I had to have some reflection about this.
Post comment Comment (12 replies)
- Reply sunnyv
- In today's realistic world, most people would not care unless you have something which they need. You would not be noticed unless you have a exceptional pretty face, good in socializing, intelligent, smart or rich. You would be set aside if you don't have what others need. That is how realistic people are. May be our friend Sweetolive can give you some advice as she is quite capable.
To gain acceptance, we have no choice but to please others and say the things they like to hear or do the things they like. In return, they would also be close to you if can have what they want.
In the workplace, there are so much manipulating, gossiping, back-stabbing, accusations and bullying. Most of us can't escape these tortures. However, we do not have to be too fake to follow the trend and try to fit in. Everyone has his own ability and have something positive. You do not need to be too perfect. Even if you are good in socializing and pleasing others, all you can get is some praise or small advantage and you will not gain real respect. You only gain real respect by true hard work and contribution.
I myself is quite ok in socializing, smooth talking, varied interests, good experience, knowledge etc, but there are still people who try to hurt me and defeat my interests. Some of them do so just to be destructive and happy to see me fall. I ignore all these people and go on my own way up. In the end, I met success through hard work.
Having a good education is not sufficient nowadays as there are so many graduates every year and jobs are not that much. It would become more difficult for employees in the coming few years as China's economy is changing. China manufacturing would become high tech and that don't need much labor. Those who have high education in science would benefit. Ordinary university graduates would have a difficult time. The factories would employ less people and offices would not need new staff. Foreign companies are reducing investment in China and investing in countries like Vietnam, Cambodia etc because they have cheap labor workers. Things would become very difficult for employees. The good days are slowly ending. Be happy if you are holding a regular job now. Even my own business is down and some of my friends are closing their business.
Don't feel bad about those people around you. It is not your fault. They won't make you weak. They make you stronger. The best way to avoid disappointment is not to expect too much from others. Take care dear.
- Reply teadrinking
- You are not wrong. Sunnyv has explained well in terms of your current situation.
Don't doubt your ability and performance. You are working in the office but not catering to your colleagues there. I feel that you were a good student and now work hard in the hope of improving and bettering yourself.
Apart from work, self improvement is very important. When you are off work, you can spend time learning. But that does mean to be a bookish. You gradually realize your value and then you feel confident to cope with things both from work and life.
Wish you a good change to be a real you.
- Reply Juliezhang
- sometimes, I will encounter the same situation as you. but , there is a good thing for me: I will try to change, and make up with my shortcomings and learn to be a good one. times change and situation also changes too. You are not a student anymore. You just can't acts as a student. in a short time you should learn to be an employer and colleage, which requires much differently from the schools. the talking skills ,working ability ,individual thinking, special charater. in a word, improve yourself in all sides.
- Reply 2amlittle
- My dear friend you let me think of myself in the past. I was what you are in the past but now seems that everything has become better. I think you give yourself too much pressure and always repress your emotions. this kind of psychological activity result in your situation now. infact no matter we are in school or step in society a relaxed mind is necessary. maybe we all run into a wrong region that in order to work hard and achieve good result we need to shut ourselves off and as a result we tend to keep things to ourselves more and never speak out and open our mind. this kind of state will make us feeling down and it is not good to our work efficiency. what's more people who like make a joke is to enliven the atmosphere and make people around feel relax include herself/himself. if we think that they are please others and we please others maybe you would not feel that comfortable. this is a polite behavior towards others maybe when you think in this way you would feel better.
- Reply sunnyv
- How did explain it so well? What you said is totally correct. It was what I wanted to say and you said it all. Keep it good girl.
2amlittle: My dear friend you let me think of myself in the past. I was what you are in the past but now seems that everything has become better. I think you giv ...
- Reply 2amlittle
sunnyv: How did explain it so well? What you said is totally correct. It was what I wanted to say and you said it all. Keep it good girl.
HAHA，happy to recieve your praise 
anyway, experience is the most important thing, infact there are so many point I want to say but my English is poor, and I am a little lazy 
- Reply sunnyv
- You are so naughty. Anyway, well done.
2amlittle:
HAHA，happy to recieve your praise anyway, experience is the most important thing, infact there are so many point I want t ...
- Reply sweetapple
- I am too accustomed to school days, so I feel so uncomfortable about the present life at work. Maybe I should learn to open my heart, and learn to adjust the society.
sunnyv: In today's realistic world, most people would not care unless you have something which they need. You would not be noticed unless you have a exception ...
- Reply sweetapple
- Yeah, when I was at school, all I had to do was accumulating knowledge and gain high scores. However, for the present time, I have to learn other things to realize my own value and be more capable.
teadrinking: You are not wrong. Sunnyv has explained well in terms of your current situation.
Don't doubt your ability and performance. You are working in the of ...
- Reply sweetapple
- You said it, it is not enough to adsorb knowledge from books for me now, I have to learn other skills to fulfill myself. However, this process is really hard.
Juliezhang: sometimes, I will encounter the same situation as you. but , there is a good thing for me: I will try to change, and make up with my shortcomings and ...
- Reply sweetapple
- Thank you for sharing your experience with me and you've really said the point about my situation. Your latter part enlightens me, maybe I shoudn't think what my colleagues do as they please others, I should learn from those outgoing colleagues and make some changes.
2amlittle: My dear friend you let me think of myself in the past. I was what you are in the past but now seems that everything has become better. I think you giv ...
- Reply yanhuoqingyun
- maybe you need not to pay more attention in changing yourself. you only need to finish your things well in work and look arround carefully. with time flies, after increasing the recognition, oneday you will find the changes had finished.
