Blogs
confront your fear
||
i would never say i'm a man of great bravery. In contrary, i won't take it as offensive if you say i'm of a bit cowardice, because i feel this way myself. i don't know since when i've been sensitive, way too sensitive, is this a common characteristic of Virgo? it seems to me that if one person is over-sensitive, he may easily get fearful of something. Thus, that explains why i'm fearful of those that can fly, like bee, can crawl, like spider, or can both fly and crawl, the terminater to me: cockroach (xiaoqiang). At times, xiaoqiang just showed up in my room, actually it was flying through the window, and landed in my room. i have to admit, that almost scared the shit out of me, then, as always, i got my weapon - slipper, acting like a maniac, tried to kill the invader or got it out of my place.
One morning in last week, I got up at 8:30am as usual, grabbed my toothbrush/toothpaste, and all of a sudden, i saw it, xiaoqiang. It was on the table, neither flied or moved, just stayed still. Instinctively, i wanted to escape and get my slipper. But, somehow i stopped and turned around. A strong feeling that i never had before came to my head. At that moment i felt extremely ashamed of myself, for being weak so long. i realized how bad i hated myself for not being able to make the changes, to confront my weaknesses and my fears. Then i made a decision that i won't believe that i actually do in the rest of my life: i wanted to drive the xiaoqiang away of my house, with my own hands, literally. i needed to know if i could be a true man.
The whole process took me 8 minutes, a very hard 10 minutes in my life. During the first 5 minutes i was staring at it, kept saying "come on" to myself, i tried so hard to make the move but it failed all the way. Fear was so powerful that i could barely challenge it. Suddenly, xiaoqiang seemed to be impatient with this and intended to leave. At that moment, i thought of how regretful it might be if i missed this opportunity and i made the first move at last. i didn't know if xiaoqiang had been mocking me at the first 5 mins and apparently it was shocked by my action, probably it never expected i had the gut to do this. Then it was running for its life, and i was chasing it. i made couples of attempt and i got it. Yes, i had it in my right hand. It could not move a bit, as i grasped it so tight. And i felt i was unbeatable when i tossed it away!
~~wow~`who can borrow me a magnifying glass~~
