16th of April, Tuesday   Cloudy & Rainy

i.

“Wake up!” I wanted to shout. I wanted to cry. In the nightmare full of darkness, full of annoyance, full of worries and full of stress. Also, in the nightmare which now I fail to re-call any bits of it and only its overwhelming restlessness. It’s about work, about the regulation I am drawing up. That’s all.

Didn’t know what time it was when I finally opened the eyes and fled myself from the dream. Wanted to have something to hold with but nothing but yellow pillows was left; wanted to have someone to talk with but no one was found.

Message him—this was what struck my mind. And I did so. And then lied down and covered myself with the quilt, waiting for his message. Waiting, waiting, and til I fell asleep again, no message came.

When I opened my eyes again, it was in the morning then. Covered by the quilt still, turned aside and reached the cellphone. No message. No message…Some corner of my mind was falling, down and down…But! Something was wrong!

I pressed the button and found the “outbox” and, and yes, I found that, in fact I didn’t message him last night, didn’t tell him I had a nightmare, didn’t tell him I missed him, no wonder……

…

Every one says I like him. Every one says so. I’m not sure.

He is not the one I want to say “I love you”, I’m clear about this. But, he is the one to whom I want to say “good night”, say “good night” every night. And you know, to me, “good night” matters much more than “I like you”, “I love you”, and “I miss you”. And the reason is quite simple. Yes it’s true that when you say “miss” and “love”, that one must be very important to you, but just during some special moments, special periods. But, the one you says “good night”, every night, is the one that already becomes part of your life.

“Good night.” Every night he ends the phone call with these words.

ii.

“Shout up!” I wanted to shout, to cry, to scream.

THREE HOURS THREE HOURS THREE HOURS! He just kept talking about this about that about everything! There was some times he asked someone else’ ideas but then it’s followed by his talking, his long talking again!!!!

Three hours in the afternoon, seating myself well in the chair, my emotion went up and down: when he was going to end one topic, my mood was up—finally! Over!!! But seconds later he re-started his talking with another topic, my mood was down….NQD…