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Do you speak English?
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SunnyV said, "Sometimes, people assume others cannot speak English and ask: 'Do you speak English?' It is quite embarrassing for our Chinese friends. It would be fun if they could bounce the embarrassment back. You are a witty and funny guy so you may suggest an answer. Can you suggest a suitable answer in different flavors?"
Here's my response to SunnyV's five categories.
* A normal answer
Sure....A little....Not much....Yes, if you speak slowly....I can speak it fairly well....Fluently....No....I studied it in school but I've completely and totally forgotten everything I learned.
* A sarcastic answer
Maybe, it depends on who's asking....Only when I'm talking....I can if I want to....Not a word....Only if you torture me....When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars [that last one comes from a famous 1969 song]....Only on Tuesdays if the temperatures above 60 degrees F....I'm Chinese! Should I?....No....Is the pope Catholic? Does a bear sh** in the woods? Is a bear Catholic? Does the pope.....? [Ok, that's a going a little too far!]
* A humiliating answer
Only if I have to....Only if you twist my arm....You're an American in China; now that you are in our country you should speak Chinese like all you Americans insist everyone in the US should speak English.
* A funny or humorous answer
Only to my dog....When He** freezes over....Only to my wife [husband, friend]; she's Chinese and can't understand a word of it....Yes, but I only know seven words....If you pay me well enough.
* Any other suitable answer
Hablo usted Espanol?....No....Yes....A little....I can say a little but I have a hard time following conversations....If you speak slowly....I can understand you fairly well, but I can't express myself easily.
I hope that helped!
Here's my response to SunnyV's five categories.
* A normal answer
Sure....A little....Not much....Yes, if you speak slowly....I can speak it fairly well....Fluently....No....I studied it in school but I've completely and totally forgotten everything I learned.
* A sarcastic answer
Maybe, it depends on who's asking....Only when I'm talking....I can if I want to....Not a word....Only if you torture me....When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars [that last one comes from a famous 1969 song]....Only on Tuesdays if the temperatures above 60 degrees F....I'm Chinese! Should I?....No....Is the pope Catholic? Does a bear sh** in the woods? Is a bear Catholic? Does the pope.....? [Ok, that's a going a little too far!]
* A humiliating answer
Only if I have to....Only if you twist my arm....You're an American in China; now that you are in our country you should speak Chinese like all you Americans insist everyone in the US should speak English.
* A funny or humorous answer
Only to my dog....When He** freezes over....Only to my wife [husband, friend]; she's Chinese and can't understand a word of it....Yes, but I only know seven words....If you pay me well enough.
* Any other suitable answer
Hablo usted Espanol?....No....Yes....A little....I can say a little but I have a hard time following conversations....If you speak slowly....I can understand you fairly well, but I can't express myself easily.
I hope that helped!
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Post comment Comment (10 replies)
- Reply sunnyv
- Haha... good and well said.
Now, our friends here at Dioenglish... Memorize those options and be ready when you are challenged.
These options could also be applied by you in China when local folks question your spoken or written Chinese.
Thanks. Have a good time in China Sedgehead. Cheers.
- Reply sedgehead
- Many websites can do that. Do you need to know which ones?
freefu55: Oh sorry, but my phone can translate my words into English, and vice versa...haha
- Reply freefu55
- Sorry, seems I didn't make myself expressed clearly. I mean, translate my Chinese voice into English voice by my phone, and vice versa. haha.
- Reply Tange
- Hi sunnyv , do you have any experience of asking someone "can you speak english?"
sunnyv: Haha... good and well said.
Now, our friends here at Dioenglish... Memorize those options and be ready when you are challenged.
These options could ...
- Reply sunnyv
- Haha... I don't ask people if they can speak English. I just say in simple English and watch their response. Just little English knowledge is enough for a simple conversation, so most of the time, they can answer me in English.
Tange: Hi sunnyv , do you have any experience of asking someone "can you speak english?"
- Reply Tange
- i did the same thing like you but nobody answer me ; i said the simple english , but i didn't get the respond ;
sunnyv: Haha... I don't ask people if they can speak English. I just say in simple English and watch their response. Just little English knowledge is enough f ...
i only asked that : "can you love me ? girl ", but no girl give me the answer .
- Reply sunnyv
Tange: i did the same thing like you but nobody answer me ; i said the simple english , but i didn't get the respond ;
i only asked that : "can you lo ...
- Reply sunnyv
Tange: i did the same thing like you but nobody answer me ; i said the simple english , but i didn't get the respond ;
i only asked that : "can you lo ...
- Reply sunnyv
- Haha... may be you did not show enough sincerity, so try harder next time, saying that in English seems more romantic and any girl would fall for you.. good luck my friend.
Tange: i did the same thing like you but nobody answer me ; i said the simple english , but i didn't get the respond ;
i only asked that : "can you lo ...
