Cau you know how warm once you feel but it is gone, you know it is hard to fill that position and also being irresponsible to make it substituted through makeshift so i have to reply on own warm to go through this winter.
It is doomed as a tragedy with wrong person at wrong time in a wrong place which bitterly mocked me how could i fall into that swamp.
No excuse, also no pre-condition and no preparation to take on the result if it comes true.
So i have to push up myself to envisage this bloody situation to transparency to cut the cavity no matter how painful it remains.
Perhaps i get the threshold over and enjoy the sunshine but reverse at night to miss the warmth it was frequently.
But i know one day it would be infrequently and may i will miss your tenderness your charming you differenct personal layer but you are difinitely destined to the lady beside you with your son.
Maybe you pay attention to me but you are supposed to keep others which more high worth than me and also i know it won`t be impossible cau your good eductaion and family principle which makes me more desire you contradictorily.
So let me cut and neglect you information and no contact with you till i can smile to you say hello without inside crying.
And let me enjoy the coldness of this winter and may add more charcoal for inside fire to warm myself.
All what i can do is leave here a sigh and a poem in chinese:
君生我未生,我生君已老,恨不生同时,日日与君好。
In english translation: when you are born i do not exist in this world, but when i was born you have been old, i hate why we can not meet at the right time or age then we can love and company each other forever. I once really want to keep company you and that is the true.
So rita, forget it and that is the end.