But it is gone, maybe the day before the writting essay, i only honestly say i cut him out of my mind, the emphasis is here and now i dare to say i cut him off my mind.

       Let me comb the whole situation one after another.

       Initally, He gave me the warmth during the treatment and me, prior of his patient list due to the red pocket, the serious illness degree--of course more attention. 

       Yes, after surgery, contacting with him by short messages, no reply or very delay reply. You can feel the degree of politeness and reluctance.

       Consulting the doctor for my father same illness after several month, connecting wechat then form a bit of close relationship, but still the distance there.

       What altered his attitude was i showed him my wisdom on sth he did not imagine how could i look into then i was offically on his friend list which means consulting him my related recovery notice points and also his friend serving when i ask for only the comfort--i have to say that time i was fragile. Yes, in his eye i am the little girl and do not forget he is much older than me and meanwhile we seems have some common knowledge interests.

       If you curious how should i forced myself back to right track, i would say i was in strong obsession at first stage his imagine assaulting me at every turn--very dark days, my heart ups and downs, hopeless and torture of a kind of missing then into the second stage called despair cau clear mind that it is all my illusion, like teadrinking summarized met a wrong guy at a wrong place in the wrong time which piched my heart and i tried to fill my life with other targets. And picture of his wife and son`s back posted on friendcycle reminded me again you had no room to go further and i thought cau the fondness as many lookers duduced i got was enought for me and i somehow in a way into his life or cycle. The third stage is gradually i seldom connected and recoved from the lost mind quicker and clearly see the real fact.

       So, what i want to express is i grateful his kindness and caring to me which he should have not responded, but now i am fly off the swamp.

       The life, a long journey, we may trap into the puddle of swamp, then we crying without any sounds, the grievance you just can not slip out, but compared to others you may lucky thinking the people in the warfield in the war state. It just needs time and your effort to back, be tough to yourself sometimes is a good medicine to cure you.

        No one wil treasure you except yourself, then make yourself right then you will be ok.

        And now i turn over a new leaf and i will be greetings him on festival as being a little girl cau he treated me good.