With so many negative words, then you certainly effortlessly to taste what such a very despair.

    I couldn`t even entitle the attachment as a love, cau it was not. It was only my bitter solo play. I ever had defended my heart so firmly, repelled other`s redundant emtion to me which are supposedly beyond my inherent gauge. Yes, to be honestly, I had despised them cau i really no recognition, why they initiatively plunge so quickly ?

    I have hardly recollected the details of whole process cau i meant to put down, to scrape the scar once embeded into my soul. I can`t logically enumerate why that time i defendlessly plunged into that dark despair swamp so rashly. What I can frankly actknowledge existing are: his image at one time was full in my brain everywhere which led me couldn`t stop forming the hysterical illusions and i once envied his wife brazenly that brought about to taste every bit of bitterness so lonely. With every step to force myself to envisage the fact, I cut myself deeper and deeper with bleeding blood.

    Nowadays i am recovered, i treat him as an acquaintance to look through his sayings in wechat when they are worth. No ripple any more.

    Since then, I know some emtion is radiating, in an uncontrolled way. I would liken the whole experience as "i had ever seen the most beautiful beam of sunshine in the world, but the sadness is it not intend to lighten my face", and I definitely never mock or look down on the faithful emotions paid even though failed or rejected cau they were the most pure giving from the bottom of the heart. They are fragile and precious worth great respect.

    And i know what is called flip of heart, cau there was a rarely-blossomed flower on my heart, I thank the experience to unveil me what is called love.

    At last, i am waiting for the third man whose eye with deposit at the bottom with which reflects what he all go through, i may fall in love him. Yes, the first one, the monitor, the puppey love, gave me the indulgence. The second one, the man--the doctor who makes me know i also have capacity of falling into love. Then, i waiting for the  third man, hopefully he will be my destined man.