To be honest ,just to be honest,nothing will be prevented…Sometimes I think I'm crazy,absolutely crazy.The word is not only an adjective.My words are real.at nights,lying in the bed,I'll think much.actioin and thoughts are hovering in my heart and mind.How can i describe the feelings?hey~

for a long time,i am thinking i am a madman.Wonderful~ha,completely i don't know what i've written down,and i wanna say. Dear!

but now i've worked out the problem.constraining myself just will make me more constrained…these are rubbish.On the morning ,i read a book.suddenly I realized why i always get mad at nights ,especially i'm alone.and even more crazily,I told him much ,over the heart border.In fact,i've never thought before i would told him those words.                    

(after a shower,go on )

Confusingly,a normol person wouldn't do these like me.the chat is supposed to be had among some good friends of the same sex or kept in my heart .But I shared with him,hey, it sounds like a fantasy.Can you imagine a girl told her lover how she fell in love with him and why? carefully. It seemed we were talking about other people ,not us.

my fingers knocked the keyboard,sent out the clear sound.At that time I'm alone in the bedroom,and I heard the noise from outside.

A piece and a piece ,my messages were long  while his were short.Listening,as if nothing had happened.I smiled painfully.Exciting,he told me to be calm…what?!How can I be calm? He said he could understand me. Really?I didn't know at all.

later on ,my heart became peaceful.the fact has been showed,almost nothing remained.he said I only wanted to unloaded the thoughts and memory onto him.Maybe…

after those ,suddenly I get happy.I thought i'm fooled by myself again.if I like him,so why can't his fece be recalled in my brain?呵呵，I knew if i opened my door to him,our friendship may be broken out. I knew.But I wanted him to know ,to share my feelings,my sadness! I want him to know what a girl had done and wanna do  when she loved somebody! I wanted to show the emotions to a boy who I ever maybe like…

To me ,love is a  promise.it can't be out easily or rashily .It's a promise,represents love,and the emotion that I'm going to stay with him gladly.

I must make a choice,it can't be prevented! 

(taking in the shower)

lied fly

Sometimes I smile ,sometimes I cry,

I bawl that doesn't show my high.

I merry I sad I hug I fuck,

Only myself underdtand I don't want to  lie!

live or die,

and I don't know why.

try, just to make my life bright. 

Nobody will learn what kind of people I am.

those blames are buried behind my eye

laugh, fie !

where am I ?

Real myself hides

in the flowering shrubs like a butterfly…

sham ,cover and lie,

I just want to fly in the sky!

I lied?I don't know.

The red water kissed my feet.it mixed my blood. yellow and red.the drops droped slowly onto the bath.At that time,in my world,it only was filled with the voice of running water,nothing other.

like the book said ,I've constrained myself for too long .In my sense ,I wanted to give up ,and let the nature take its course(顺其自然）. However in my subconscious,I don't.the wish is becoming bigger and bigger .So that yesterday ,I can't stop to do it like i've gotten drunk.yes ,drunk,the night,the dark ,the person and the lust made me drunk.I hope he can show me something.

(Sure maybe it caused by my health,I was weak yesterday.)

Now i realized nothing can't be constrained truly.Just take it easy ,make yourself relaxed.The time goes by,and the things will be changed at last. Don't care about  if the door though the sense to subconscious has been closed.Leave a line,and your world will be light !Maybe my life needs to turn over a new leaf.