Blogs
ghost husband 19
||
Chapter Nineteen
Qixuan had saddened Yingxue, but Lemei made her more sorrowful.
When she came round, Lemei still clung to the wish of death. Taking up scissors, she was about to penetrate her chest; dashing outside, she was about to knock herself against the tree trunk. At that time, only Yingxue and Xiaopei were there, who tried in vain to make her give up the idea of death. Therefore, Yingxue couldn't bear it any more.
"Qixuan is not dead! He is still alive!" She shouted desperately with tears streaming over her face, "He has been living nearby! He is Old Ke! Have you heard that? Qixuan is Old Ke!"
Lemei shuddered and turned back slowly, staring at Yingxue with a queer look, as if the words were too incoherent to understand. Grabbing Lemei tightly, Xiaopei cried out with fear, "Aunt, what's the matter with you? Why talk nonsense all of a sudden?"
"I'm not talking nonsense!" Yingxue pushed Xiaopei aside and grabbed Lemei frenziedly. "If I were cheating you, how could I be responsible for my words by then? How could I give you back a living Qixuan?" She rocked her daughter. "Wake up! I plead you to face that moment in a sober state!"
Lemei still stared at Mom, unable to understand and think.
Wiping away the tears hurriedly, Yingxue tried to calm down and explained with difficulty, "At that time, we deceived you by claiming he was dead! In fact, he didn't die, but was saved by Wanli. However, the fire has made him lame in one leg, hurt his throat and destroyed his face!" Looking into Lemei's eyes, she said word by word, "So he has become Old Ke, as you see, limping, wearing a mask and speaking in a hoarse voice!"
Lemei blinked, appearing scared besides being numb.
"No... No! Old Ke is Old Ke, how can he become Qixuan?" She retreated step by step, resisting in a flurry. "The face of Old Ke was hurt by his foes! You are wrong, completely wrong! Who's told you he is Qixuan?"
"Everyone knows that! I know, so do all the people in Cold Pine Garden, all the members of the Han's family and of course Wanli." Yingxue looked at her daughter sadly. "Only you and Xiaopei don't know it!"
Astonished, Lemei got pale; Dumbfounded, Xiaopei looked at Lemei and Yingxue, completely at a loss.
"Do you know what I did while you were asleep? I visited Wanli's pharmacy! Qixuan is now hidden there! Since you have been overwhelmed by an illusion, he can no longer play the role of Old Ke, who seems to have some supernatural power. So he had to leave the Falling Moon Pavilion and take refuge in Wanli's pharmacy! For the sake of your committing suicide, I asked him to meet you and explain everything clearly, so that the tortures for all of us might come to an end, but I have failed!" Yingxue covered her face. "I really cannot bear such tortures..."
Since the secret had been exposed, Yingxue told the whole story: building a false tomb, rumors about the forbidden gate, Ziyan stealthily acting as a liaison, Qixuan insisting on leaving... Everything was told clearly. But Lemei was simply listening passively, and the more she listened, the more she was in a trance.
"In a word, the strategy was designed exactly for your sake, but we are all wrong!" Yingxue choked with sobs. "We've been paving a way to brightness for you, but it leads to death instead! We firmly believed that it would benefit you, but it has hurt you instead..."
After a long time of silence, Lemei asked unconvinced, "Old Ke is Qixuan?"
Yingxue nodded.
"Qixuan is Old Ke?"
Yingxue nodded again.
"He has not died... He is still alive..." Lemei's voice trembled, so did her body. "Oh, my lord! I must be crazy!" She collapsed to the ground and yelled, "I should have heard Mom say to me in person that Old Ke is Qixuan!"
The whole thing had come to light. There were no secrets, doubts or lies any more.
In the hall of Cold Pine Garden, everyone else confirmed what Yingxue had said and explained the details more clearly. Casting a glance at everyone, Lemei suddenly bit her arm hard. It ached, ached to the bone and made her shed tears, happy tears!
"I'm not crazy! It's not a dream! He is still alive! He is still alive!" Murmuring, she walked out of the gate and knelt down toward the sky. "Oh, heaven, my husband is not dead! Meeting or departing is decided by heaven, so I'll thank heaven for deciding a reunion for us!"
Everyone sobbed behind. Only Yanfang helped Lemei up and asked eagerly, "Then does it mean that your decision is to meet instead of to depart?"
"I have sworn with my death!" Lemei's tears welled up. "Is that not enough?"
"No! I want you to consider it carefully!" Yanfang said excitedly, "Qixuan is not what he looked like, and is even more horrible than you have seen! Besides deformed legs and a hoarse voice, he has many scars you have not seen! And his face under the mask! Are you sure you can accept him? Are you sure you still want him?"
Lemei stared at Yanfang with a sorrowful but resolute look. "You should have asked me a long time ago! If you had done that earlier, I would have told you: I want him! I want him! I want him!"
"Are all those words from the bottom of your heart?" asked Old Mrs. Ke as she staggered a step forward.
"Of course, they are!" Lemei rose up abruptly. "Is there anything than death that makes one more despaired? No! But just because he was no longer handsome, you thought I would loathe him and tried every means to deceive me! Why didn't you ask me earlier? Why did you judge me so arbitrarily? All of you regarded me so frivolous!" She swept her gaze across everyone and finally rested it on Yingxue's face. "including my mom!"
"No, not that..."
"If not, why didn't you tell me earlier?" Lemei interrupted her violently. "When I knocked myself against the tombstone, you kept silent; when I refused to eat, you kept silent; when I married a memorial tablet, you still kept silent; when I was suffering severely from excessive missing, you were still reluctant to tell me the truth, waiting for me to change my mind and remarry!"
"We know you perfectly well, but..." Shipeng shook his head painfully. "but everyone of us has seen Qixuan's face... I don't know how to describe it, because... because it cannot be called a face..."
"Don't complain about us!" Yanfang wiped her tears. "He has a sense of inferiority; what's more, as parents, we can't bear to see you degraded in your marriage!"
Old Mrs. Ke also approached Lemei and held her hand earnestly.
"I know your sufferings, but are we feeling all right ourselves? Who can feel at ease while seeing you two infatuated kids cannot meet each other? Lemei, could you forgive us? For all of us have had good intentions!"
"Stop! Don't talk any more!" Lemei blamed herself choking. "Obviously, I was too silly to recognize him! He has been with me all the time, and I have spoken so many words to him, but I still failed to realize that Old Ke and Qixuan are in fact one person!"
"No, it's not because you were silly, but because you firmly believed that Qixuan had died!" Yingxue hugged her pitifully. "But for the mass confession today, you would never have realized that so many people joined together hiding the truth from you! Your own mom is also among them!"
But it was not too late! Lemei drew a deep breath, feeling a new self.
"I'll go and see him!" She wiped away her tears and said firmly, "I'll go and see him now!"
Going from Cold Pine Garden to Wanli's pharmacy seemed like a lifelong journey for Lemei. She had been suffering too long and had to relieve her pains with the illusion of a ghost husband! Nevertheless what was a ghost? It was invisible and no one could tell whether it existed or not! But even such an illusion had carried her away!
If they had let her decide on her own instead of concealing the truth at that time, she might have felt slightly timid or confused though she would not change her determination to marry Qixuan; but now having gone through all kinds of trials, and having experienced the pains of losing him, she could ensure her faithfulness.
It didn't matter whether he was lame, hoarse, deformed in the face or having scars all over! What countered was that he was still alive! He was still breathing and walking in this world! He could still love her! Though disabled, he had a complete soul; her life had been attached to his life not to his face! With so many things to confide to him, she arrived at Wanli's pharmacy and was about to dash in, ignoring the crowds behind her, but she was held back by Wanli, who was drying the herbs in the sun.
"Lemei, what are you doing?"
"Don't stop me! I've known everything already!" She struggled out and dashed toward the room of diagnosis.
Inside the room, Qixuan was sitting motionlessly at the bedside, his hands clutching at the stick and his forehead being supported by the back of his hands. Such a depressed posture silently revealed his sorrow. Ziyan accompanied him quietly, willing to suffer for him, but she had no way. Ever since Yingxue had left, there was such a suffocating atmosphere in the room, signalling an outbreak at any time. The sudden emergence of Lemei was just the fuse.
When Ziyan was calling "the Second Young Mistress" in a fluster, Lemei had thrown herself to the ground before Qixuan and grabbed him by the hands.
"Qixuan!" This murmur, from the very bottom of her heart, was loaded with half a year's sorrow and expectation. "Qixuan!" She could at last call his name in his presence! It was not a dream, but a reality! "Qixuan!" She wept and looked at him. "Qixuan!"
Seeing her abrupty, he was too shocked to feel anything in his mind. As she called him repeatedly, he began to recover his consciousness. No! Impossible! That cannot be done! No! No! No! At last, he uttered a heartrending cry, "No! I'm not Qixuan!" Pushing her aside, he got onto the bed and crawled toward the corner in a fluster, roaring, "I'm not Qixuan! No! Why not let me alone? I've fled here, but you still refuse to let me alone... Ziyan, hurry to pull her out! Hurry!"
There was a confusion inside, and hurried footsteps could be heard from outside. Then, the crowd led by Wanli poured in. Ziyan, who was holding Lemei and comforting Qixuan, at a loss what to do, immediately cried out to Wanli for help, "What's the matter? What's the matter?"
Wanli checked Lemei and said to Qixuan, "The truth has been disclosed, so you have to be brave! It's time for you to face the reality!"
"Let me pass! Don't stop me!" Lemei struggled, attempting to approach Qixuan. "Let me stay with my husband!"
"No! No!" Huddled up, Qixuan was still squeezing himself at the corner. "Who says I'm your husband? Who says I'm Qixuan?"
Seeing him resisting so violently, she was nearly crazy.
"You are! You are! You have asked them to cheat me together! Now since everyone else has confessed it, why do you still deny it?"
"I won't confess it!" He dared not see her, merely yelling to the wall. "Have I told you that I won't face this day?! Won't face this day! How can you treat me so cruelly?" He knocked his head against the wall and howled, "How can you! How can you..."
At this, the women all screamed with fear while Wanli and Qiyun jumped onto the bed to check him. Many voices mingled together: someone asked Qixuan to calm down; others asked Lemei to stop irritating Qixuan. In such a confusion, Qixuan still roared, "Don't care about me! Hurry to pull her out! Hurry..." Lemei stared at Qixuan shuddering, unable to believe this sight. How come is it? How come is it? At the cost of her life, she has finally met him, but he so violently refused to accept her...
He was about to lose his sense, so was she. Drowning herself, committing suicide again, knowing the truth and finally meeting him... All this took place just within a day's time, but she had experienced all kinds of surging moods. In such an alternately joyful and sorrowful state, maybe she had failed to see some facts, maybe she should keep a distance away from him for the time being or maybe she should put herself in his position first.
Persuaded by Mother and Mother-in-law, Lemei went back to Cold Pine Garden. Sitting silently in her room for the rest of that afternoon, she finally had got some train of thought. Therefore, when the intense sunlight had been replaced by mild moonlight, she came to Wanli's pharmacy again.
For the whole afternoon, persuaded by everyone in turn, Qixuan appeared a little calmer, but he still refused to return to Cold Pine Garden, let alone to confess Lemei as his wife.
Overnight he had changed from a handsome young man to a horrible deformed person, but healing the wounds in his heart was not the work of a single day. Though he had left the Falling Moon Pavilion, the forbidden gate still remained closed in his heart. So when he saw Lemei just standing beside him, he immediately took refuge behind his own forbidden gate.
"Why are you coming again?" Leaning against the wall, he was extremely frightened. "Can you leave here? Leave!"
"Don't be so agitated or nervous. I won't approach you." Lemei said gently, "You see, am I not standing here obediently? After all these tortures, you are tired, and so are all the rest of us. Therefore we cannot go on like that, can we? So please listen to me quietly, OK?"
Maybe because her soft voice worked or he was really tired, he really sat there silently and relaxed his fist when he heard her words. Everyone stared at Lemei with amazement, but she merely gazed at Qixuan and went on speaking as if no one else were standing aside. "I know I frightened you in the afternoon when you were fully unprepared. At that time, I was so anxious that I failed to consider your feelings. I had been concentrating on the fact that you were still alive. It really made me dizzy! And since you know how I have struggled to free myself from despair, you would forgive me for my impulse, wouldn't you?"
"But reassure yourself. I have settled myself down. However strongly I wish to throw myself into your arms, I will try to control myself..." She was choked.
Though he still kept silent, the tearful eyes behind his mask had revealed his feelings. She wiped away her tears gently and said again, "I know that all this has happened against your will, for you have been forced to face me fully unprepared. Therefore, I will adjust myself to face the fact: you are not whom you used to be, but a man with both physical and mental traumas. So I will love you afresh and wait patiently for your response! Before that day, I won't force you to accept me or pick off your mask, for I know that it is your face and makes you feel secured! Then I will love the masked face, OK?"
He still said nothing, but the front of his jacket had largely been moistened. After a time of silence, she pleaded, "Have I soothed you a little? If so, I plead you to go home!"
These soft words moved everyone in the room. Old Mrs. Ke was the first to cry, "Go home!"
Shipeng, Yanfang, Yingxue, Wanli and Ziyan all followed, "Go home!"
After a long time of silence, Qixuan nodded slightly.
