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ghost husband 21
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Chapter Twenty-one
Every member of the Ke's and Han's family was also waiting. They were waiting for the day when Qixuan and Lemei would formally renew their relationship.
A subtle feeling was spreading quietly in Cold Pine Garden. Though no one had laid bare the point, they could read the tacit agreement from each other's eyes. However, they all knew that this matter could not be interfered in by others. Therefore, they had to stand aside silently, giving the most sincere blessings to the couple, who had undergone several disasters. As to the later progress, it would have to be made by Lemei.
Yet Lemei felt quite relieved. During a long period of time, when she opened her eyes every morning, she was thinking how painful it was to live in this world; but now she awakened to feel the world full of hope, because Qixuan was still alive and moreover living in the Falling Moon Pavilion, a place so close to where she was living! This notion alone made her feel infinitely happy!
In the morning, she fetched water for him to wash his face; in the evening, she cooked some refreshments for him; at the dinner table, she arranged dishes with zeal; in the garden, she kept him accompany, strolling and chatting. If he was unwilling to speak, she would choose to follow him silently lest she become a garrulous wife!
Yes, she was looking after him completely as a wife! Yes, he was her best-loved husband while she was his perfectly justifiable wife! Yes, someday, their relationship would be worth the name besides being perfectly justifiable!
However, the more affection Lemei showed, the more fear Qixuan would feel. When she sees his face and scars one day, will the glory of her face fade and the passion in her eyes vanish?
"Scars won't make you ugly. They only make me feel more pity for you, so I'll love you more." said she.
OK, even if she doesn't care about that, with so many unpredictable hardships in their future, how long will their marriage last?
"It will last for one lifetime!" She said.
But incomplete in his heart and appearance, he had thoroughly lost faith in himself. If he was unable to master his own fate, how could he bring her any happiness?
"I'll help you regain your self-confidence and wait for you to go along with me toward our future! Today, tomorrow and every day, I'll wait for you!" said she.
Therefore, after being repeatedly consoled by her, he softened up a little; after hearing her promises time and again, he believed her a little. However, he was still full of fear toward their future and the forbidden gate in his heart were still half-closed.
That day Hongda and Wanli paid a visit. Maybe because he was slightly excited by the wine, maybe because he had Lemei and his old friends around, or maybe because it was long since he had enjoyed the beautiful mountains and rivers last time, Qixuan suddenly proposed to have a walk outside. Of course, he was warmly responded to, and among them, the happiest one was, of course, Lemei. Oh, he had finally made a step, and a giant step at that! She gazed at him appreciatively.
Yet very soon her look turned sorrowful, for similar things as had happened at Wanli's pharmacy last time took place again.
On the way, the passers-by seeing him all revealed amazement and fear, whispered to each other or even satirized him loudly, "Hey! Look at this guy! How strange he is to wear a mask in broad daylight! Is there an opera or some kind of performance today?"
In a horrible mood, Qixuan fled back to Cold Pine Garden, shut himself in the Falling Moon Pavilion, and remained silent however Lemei pleaded! However, late that night, he came to the Wind-singing Room voluntarily.
"Please go with your Mom to the Han's Family in Si'an tomorrow and never come here again!" It was his first sentence when entering. Though she had guessed and confirmed his purpose to come, Lemei said something irrelevant.
"Tomorrow I'll go to the cloth store to buy some cloth. You see, it's getting hot, and I want to make several summer dresses for you..."
"Please go back to Si'an tomorrow!"
"Then I'll buy some fans and tea..."
"Enough!" He clenched his teeth. "Don't act wilfully by saying that time can change everything! I have to tell you that there are some things that cannot be changed, for they have already had a clear end. It is the wildest fantasy for us to live together! It will end in failure, so we'd rather face the reality earlier than waste time!"
"Don't give up!" She said with tears. "I've thought for a long time since you came back. I know that when you proposed to have a walk outside, you were mustering up your courage and attempting to change..."
Being reminded of people's gazes and comments in the street, he covered his head painfully and muttered, "That was the most stupid mistake I'd ever made!"
"No, but it was my fault!" She said hurriedly. "I ought to have realized that you were still unprepared for such a walk. You see, I'm your closest friend, but you still have misgivings about communicating with me. How can you face strangers frankly?"
"Right! I do not need to see sunlight or visit landscapes, still less do I need to face strangers! I'll shut myself in this garden all my lifetime, lest I have to bear others' queer look! Or fear that I might frighten others like a ghost! And moreover, no one would say words like 'A pretty girl was married to an ugly husband.'!"
She was made more sorrowful by his despaired tone and kept shedding tears. "Stop!" She pleaded. "I beg you to stop!"
"Look! You can't bear it any more, can you? But such things will take place time and again, and keep reducing your love for me!" In his imagination, he had suffered too much embarrassment and agony in advance, and his heart had been dismembered into pieces. "Can't you see that? As long as I leave Cold Pine Garden, I will be a ghost, a monster..."
She was made unable to speak. After a long while, she managed to overcome her sorrow and said softly, "Whatever happens, I'll stay at your side!"
"You mean," He stared at her gloomily. "As long as I am alive, you won't give up?"
These words feared her.
"Dare you?" Her voice was like a tight string, ready to be broken at any time. "Dare you die once more?"
He kept silent. She drew a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. However, after a violent mental struggle, she made a decision.
"OK! If my solemn oath still fails to awaken you, I have no other choice!"
So saying, she walked to the wardrobe calmly, pulled open a drawer and began to search for something. He stared blankly at her back, feeling an indescribably complex sentiment surging within his chest. "Are... Are you preparing your luggage? Are you willing to go back to Si'an?"
With her back to him, she made no reply. What was she searching for? What was she going to do? Feeling more and more worried, he stood up and staggered toward her.
"Lemei?"
Raising her face abruptly, she cried out in a quivering voice, "Let me be blind and then accompany you!" So saying, she was about to penetrate two needles into her eyes.
Much frightened, he jumped at her.
"Stop!"
When he released her after a confused struggle, she had already stabbed the two needles into her arm. He immediately pulled them out and threw them to the ground, shuddering and gazing at her, tears gushing out all of a sudden.
"You are crazy!" He choked and hugged her. "You are crazy!"
"What shall I do?" She trembled and sobbed in his bosom. "Only when I am blind will you stop despising yourself before me, so that we can stay together forever!"
"How could you do such a stupid thing? How could you have such a horrible idea? In a deformed man like me, have you not see enough about his misfortune?" Crying, he relaxed her and shook her anxiously. "Please swear! Please swear to me! You will never do such a stupid thing! Hurry! Hurry to swear!"
She broke away from him.
"Now that you can't stand me hurting myself, you have to overcome your sense of inferiority and keep me sound! If you attempt to push me away from you again, I have no other choice but to disable myself so as to be shut with you in a miserable world!"
"No!" Extremely frightened, he stretched out both hands to her, pleading. "Don't do that..."
"Then what do you want me to be?" She forced him to answer as she retreated. "Tell me! Tell me!"
After a long time of struggle with his hands alternately closed and opened, he burst out, "I want you to be sound!"
A gate seemed to be opened with this cry, bringing to an end all the painful yearnings. The moment he opened his mind to her, she threw herself into his bosom and mixed her tears with his.
