Long time no been there. that feeling is so bad. that isn't like me at all.

     These days was really hard for me, but for my father's help, I was almost had not enough money to buy a meal, cause I bought some useless things, it costed me much. the cost of living has run out in advance. I think I am a bad person, keep asking money from parents, just like a parasite. I hate that. cause now I am not able to make money on my own, I have a mouth is waiting for eating just like everyone is, and I have the endless desire of material, this is a materialistic society, our desire to be magnified indefinitely. it's awful.

     That's so complicated, being a human is so hard, especially for this kind of person like me. that's simply tragic, isn't it?  want to shop, but lack of money. I guess just look no cost, right?  however, how do you control the desire well? it's not so easy, how  strong possessiveness you should have.  Once your possessiveness burst, your parents are in trouble, perhaps you may say " my parents are not, cause we are rich, that's only a drop in the ocean, that's nothing for us".  Indeed,  I want to be a princess of blue blooded or the rich too, in that case, I can do what I want, get what I like, do anything what make me feel better. that life is so free  like the paradise completely. ahha, it's totally ridiculous for me, that's really a daydream.

     I must find a job to save my parents from the predicament as soon as possible, I have troubled them so long, even if they do not think it is, but I care about that. at least I can figure out the problem of my living, do not bother them any more. come on.

     They were said that " being a man is hard, being a good man is harder, being a man who can make him dream come ture is great."  I want to be great, so I can not addicted in the material world, I have to break the bondage of desire. I am not belong to there, I have my way, my dream is waving to me.

     A man who can realize  him dream is fortunate, nothing is important any more. just hope that let my parents to be proud of me, this is my another wish.