I love my father though I never told him.

Since I started the residence life in high school campus, I hardly had time staying at home with my parents, especially 3 years ago I left my hometown for winning a good career. I got married this year, but settled my family far from my parents, which pushed me in a situation that I would rarely go to see my parents in the future. My wife and I both want to invite mum and dad to live with us together, but my mum is quite sick of traffic. Unless one day in the future I move back to my hometown, I would only can go to see them on holidays.

My parents are always backing me up no matter what I do. Every time when I made a decision whatever it is and told them, they respected my idea and just advised me repeatedly to take care of myself. I worked hard and travelled a lot these years but never stopped to think of them. I had a habit of giving them a call once a week and I pursuaded meself not to feel guilty because of the weekly phone call. I really didn't feel guilty at all until I had a conversation with my father last week.

Actually we didn't talk too much, I told him I was alright now and would go to see them soon, and my father told me not to worry about them and  everything was fine at home. But at the end of the call, my father said 'you haven't come back home for a long time, your mum and I miss you'. His words were just like a thunder hitting my heart, I suddenly became silent and wordless, and I did nothing and said nothing until we hang up. After the call, I kept trying to recollect the words of my father, while standing in the aisle in the office like a retarded. I still didn't believe what I just experience. How can my father said that to me? Was that real? After a while I walked back to my space, sitting in the chair, eying on the phone and doing nothing still. I remembered the year of 2000 when I received the acceptance from a university which all the people surrouding me never expected, my father was a little upset because I decided not to be refresher, however, he still insisted to guard me on the way to the university. We took about 12 hours of train and arrived at the city where I would spend four years. It was 4 hours AM and a little chilly, fortunately the school bus was waiting for new comers all the time. We took the bus and got to the university after an hour. We checked in and moved my luggage into the dorm. It was too late, dad and I picked one bed respectively and fell asleep. we didn't have shower, didn't have hot water, didn't brush the teeth I remembered because we were too exausted.

I don't remember clearly what I did the next day after we woke up. I was supposed to deal with some registration I guess, but leaving my father alone. When I got back, my father told me he already bought the ticket back home with the help of the parents of one of my roomate. The train was supposed to depart very soon and he had to mobilize right at that moment. I was such a salad boy at that time, I said nothing about keeping him a while because he didn't even have a travel in that city. He left then, leaving him alone again.

I can't remember all the details about that trip, but every time when I recalled the scenes in that late summer in 2000, I feel disappointed to myself.  So many years later, yesterday when I re-read the 'the sight of father's back' written by Zhuziqing, I felt strongly regretful and sorry to my father.

wish him good health and living well in the rest of life. love you, my father. Very soon I will go back you.