everything is confused. my mind is blank and i am lost again. he must be angry with me. how terrible it was that i on earth forgot his birthday and his festival. though finally in the evening i remembered but he had always gone for bath alone. he said he didn't care it but i don't think so. he always says that so long as i am happy he is happy too. but i don't believe he is that selfless. he also needs love and care. if he can't get it from me he will want to get it from others. so i really made a stupid mistake. i neglet him long time. i all the time want love and tender from him and i overlook his feeling and demand. i am not a good woman. i am selfish. maybe i am not worth his love and i deserved to be deserted. oh, no god. god help me, he will not be mad with me really, and tomorrow he will get back to normal again. i need his love. without his love i can't live. how poor i am.