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Should lovers move together?
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When a man and a woman are in a good relationship, should they move together, or, when is the right time?
A few months ago, my roommate Y abandoned me and moved out to live with her bf. I understood and i was happy for her. I always think it's a wonderful thing to build a home with the one you love, yes, a home. They buy appliances, decorate it and clean it... but, Y told me in my face:" I tell you, Do not live together, it's very very annoying." I understand that two different person with different habits live together, there's a lot of things to deal with and a long way to get along with. Anyway, several months passed, they still lived together, quarrels of course, but their cohabit life seems to be on track. Maybe her words is just a complaint to her best friend. Y is a lucky girl compared with K, my another gf, who live with her bf for almost 4 years. Now they don't get along very well. Living together exposes all the shortcomings, and with time goes on, and freshness goes away, something you became to care less and less. They have less communicate, and cold war begins when they quarrel. I can't imagine the cold war lasts ten days for two lovers living in the same house. One night, K got angry and went out. I don't know if her bf went out to look for her, i don't believe so. He called two friends, got nothing useful information, and fell asleep at last. Maybe they chose the wrong mode to get along with, but it seems it doesn't make any sense to live together any more.
Another friend said:" Lovers should live together. Men need a stable home, a good backyard makes him full of strength in his career. Otherwise, he sees less hope, he'll feel stuck here, and you'll hurt him when you are not aware of." This friend is nearly in the age of my dad, i believe "just living" is on her first top.
I'm confused. what on earth should be considered first when lovers wonder to live together or not. When freshness goes away, shortcomings come out, daily necessities become the first top, how can we believe our love the same as before?
My bf said:" It's normal for two young couple have small quarrels. The key point is how they communicate with each other, to forgive and to learn how to get along with."
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Post comment Comment (17 replies)
- Reply Nik-luo
- hi, i think this is not only confuse u but also confuse the majority as the young people who have not got married yet .i donot know what should i say about the cohabit but i think the happy is the first important thing for building up the love relationship .no matter they are move to live together or not . if they confirm the love relationship and want to get into the realm marriage , i think this is can be permitted secretly . however the feeling is always betray our actions . so ... the way is up to the both person who fall in love with what kind of maturity they are touch . but it seems hard to do for almost of the lovers .maybe they are learn by doing ...
- Reply hurrymm
- I am not against the idea of living together when the couple think it is the right time. Actually I am quite embracing the idea on the ground that the two who are going to spend the rest of their lives together can not afford to say " I do" without testing whether they really love each other, including all the shortcomings.
Every serious relationship teaches a lot to either party involved, helping the one know better about him/herself, as well as the one you think you are in love with.
- Reply laurendong
- Moving together before marriage has already become a normal stage for couples in western countries, I think, or is it just US? But of course in China things are a bit different out of the reason that we all know. For me, it's good for couples to move together before marriage. You gotta know if you can make it as roommate at least. It's like a mock exam for marriage...
- Reply xingyue
- I suppose my parents would be hard to accept my view that I agree lovers live together to experience. Marriage is serious, and we could confront and solve many daily problems earlier. Cohabiting is a test indeed.
- Reply ivyren
- It depends. If they plan to get married, and they want to experience the life being with each other. Maybe they can try and learn to fit in the cohabitation. If not, in my opinion, it would be better to leave each other enough room.
- Reply pineaple
- I agree. If they don't have the courage to try, then they won't get a chance to be happy. As long as love exists, they can learn during the process.
Nik-luo: hi, i think this is not only confuse u but also confuse the majority as the young people who have not got married yet .i donot know what should i say ...
- Reply pineaple
- Yes. so it's a topic, we can share our opinions.
dousaiyan: Different people have different views, and it's up to them.
- Reply pineaple
- Yeah, to say the sentence in a naughty way:" Honey, if you want to buy a car, you have to try it first." I just wonder when is the right time. Love your last sentence.
hurrymm: I am not against the idea of living together when the couple think it is the right time. Actually I am quite embracing the idea on the ground that th ...
- Reply pineaple
- I think moving together is a big step in a relationship. Does "make it as roommate" seems too deliberate? People who fall in love have different mode of thought. maybe just the uncertainty in the heart.
laurendong: Moving together before marriage has already become a normal stage for couples in western countries, I think, or is it just US? But of course in China ...
- Reply pineaple
- The traditional concept is deep-rooted for them. I'm afraid of consuming too much love during the daily problems.
xingyue: I suppose my parents would be hard to accept my view that I agree lovers live together to experience. Marriage is serious, and we could confront and s ...
- Reply pineaple
- couldn't agree more.
ivyren: It depends. If they plan to get married, and they want to experience the life being with each other. Maybe they can try and learn to fit in the cohabi ...
- Reply xingyue
- If the lovers could overcome successfully majority of the problems, I think the life will less quarrels even regrets after marrying. If these problems must appear, I hope they can be solved properly before marriage. After all, life is a long road.
pineaple: The traditional concept is deep-rooted for them. I'm afraid of consuming too much love during the daily problems.
- Reply super007
- Although I had no experience for dealing with such things.However,in my opinion, if the lovers know each other's living habits very well,they can choose to try living together for a while.The premise is they love each other and would do anything to keep the relationship. So, what matter the most is the understanding between the two people.
- Reply sunnyv
- You have pointed out accurately the problems lovers are facing when they decide to cohabit. Sometimes, there is no choice, when you it is not yet time to marry, cohabiting is an option, but as you have said, things would turn sour when the novelty or fresh feeling is gone. Hard decision.
P.S. Sorry I did not notice this blog before, so I am a responding late.
- Reply pineaple
- It's ok. Thanks for sharing your opinion. I think the key point is to choose the right guy, his nature decides his behaviour. You have confidience with him and yourself. On the basis of love, trust each other, adjust yourself. Then the longer time you get along with, the less problems left.
sunnyv: You have pointed out accurately the problems lovers are facing when they decide to cohabit. Sometimes, there is no choice, when you it is not yet time ...
