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Weekend
As recently we both have been clarifying our affective relationship, I felt under blue in that period for considering too much and how to make a decision. When he was in business trip, he promised me to confess everything to me after returning and hoped me give him another chance to love me again. He admited his mistake without dealing with the issue properlly, but couldn't deny his real heart. Because of instantaneous sadness and angry, I refused repeatedly in order not to meet him again. Actually I knew he quite loved me from detailed caring and respect to me in daily life. It was me who couldn't accept cheat that activated full unsatisfaction to him. However, after calming dowm, I deemed silence and quarrelling couldn't slove the problem and everthing needed to be handled rationally. That's the reason why I gave him the chance to meet on the day of picking up my classmate. Maybe love still exists between us, hereby it was hard to end as I imagined before.
During last whole week, He tried his best to accompany me more besides work to comfort me and take care of me to cheer me up. He sweared that he never betrayed me from inner heart, but caused the problem by his way of conduct. Although seemed subtle for me, I had no right to require perfectness of somebody. I am not cold-hearted person, therefore I seldom take rude manner to people surrounding me. Concerning our almost one and half year's affection, it was not my hope to become enemy because of this incident even if finally loving relation would be over.
He was a sensitive person towards date. He clearly remembered all the important dates with me such as my bithday, our first dating, Chinese and Western valentine's day, days when we experienced meaningful things, the moments related to me even my physiological periods. In contrast, I wasn't such a details-caring person. Sometimes I had idea of the event, but blur memory about the date. Last Friday, it was Single's Day on 2011.11.11, which was happened once a hundred year. Honestly, I didn't pay attention to it, but he regarded it as meaningful. As I expressed break-up with him initially and he couldn't thoroughly let me go for his deep love, he expected me to forgive him and better love me in the future. Then he hoped to spend this special day with me without being single any more. After work on Friday, he drove to my office to pick me up and then headed towards the well-prepared and pre-reserved dinner resturant. He brought a piece of rose, which made me recall our first dating. Quite similar secne, but different feelings. During dinner, we both drank a little bit red wine to warmth the atmosphere, actually all from his idea. Sometimes I unwittingly mentioned the sad topic, he even took no notice about the relationship with the girl, but said he only cared me. From his words and actions, I understood his true love, oppositely from this incident, I felt contradictory and doubtful maybe I was lack of trust to him and he loved me more than I loved him. We both confessed a lot. Suddenly at late night he recived a phone call from a female without second thought, I regarded it from the girl. After this issue, I really became so sentitive to his relationship with her even if I was not a mean girl. He said it was not from her, but another female friend. He was afraid of my sensitivity. Then I told him I was selfish towards love because of principles. For making friends, it was reasonable. We communicated and shared a lot. Eventually felt more transparent.
The next day, after dinner he drove to my home to pick me up. We spent a while in the park. That night, I really felt his sincerity and love to me. We chated a lot from individual experiences in the past, work, future plans, life goals and also personal perspective towards affections. He is 6 years older than me and have full experiences. I expressed my unhappiness and future dreams. He just listened to me and gave me honest advice. He said he was also very painful to see my sadness. In fact, during the time we spent together, he never released his bad temper to me. He hoped me happy, but because of different factors I felt not so peaceful. I had pressure from family not bacause my parents gave burden to me, but I thought of paying for him with my capacity. Besides, I had pressure from career as I had my dreams in my heart, but the path was not directedly as I thought. Last but not least, from future personal issue. I considered the personal characters, family background and economic situation. All the pressures stopped me feeling totally self-content. He analyzed different aspects in a comprehensive way from his experience. From that time, I realized that I really had to give up some ideas to make more happier. Negative pressures was the block rather than catalyst.
For me, I spent a meaningful weekend because I learnt the theory of how to become more happiner. I appreciate him.
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Post comment Comment (22 replies)
- Reply Jessico
- bluephoebe: Dear J, the future with him is still unclear, but i really wish you good luck here. and i am happy that you don't rush into any decision yet. Like youDear Phoebe, I am so grateful to receive your reply and share your own story with me. You understand my situation from your description. In past one and half an year, I really regarded him as my boyfriend although I never confessed to marry him. For me, marriage is a very important and serious issue. I shoudn't make the decision roughly in order to take the responsibility for myself. Love is certain, but I consider more comprehensive problems such as family background at both sides, his characters, his ecnomical status and his attitude towards life etc. Love just accounts almost half of my life. I won't marry someone just from single love.That's my inbore character.
However, recently I found this sad incident. My love was almost faded away gradually. I didn't trust him no matter how sweet words. While he constantly admitted his mistakes by his wrong way of conduct. After thinking, I remined myself of not judging the matter just by personal idea. That's why I gave him the chance to express his own thoughts. Until now, just as you mentioned, through experiencing such hurting matter, the trust woudn't turn as it was before. I still have caution towards him to test everthing true or not.
Right now, I just need to lead my own life happily and take a open-minded attitude to witness every situations. No hate, no anger, no complaint
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