Back to the basement, Four went to bed early. Atman couldn’t go to sleep, so he got up to turn on the computer to surf the Internet for a while. He typed Laic’s name in Baidu and tried to know what happened to him recently. Atman didn’t know why he did that, but he just did it.

    To his surprise, he found Laic’s name was in the Hall of Fame of Swallow University. He clicked the page of Swallow University website and read its details. Yeah, only excellent graduate could have his name there. Though Atman graduated with honor from Swallow University, he was only a farmer at first and now a security guard. Of course someone told the person in charge of Hall of Fame of Swallow University to get rid of Atman’s name.

    “Shit!”Atman swore indignantly. The world Honor entered into his peaceful heart again. He seemed to ignore it for so long and forgot it completely. He didn’t know what to say and think, but had a really bad feeling inside. Then he checked middle school and couldn’t find his name in excellent graduate list either. There was no need to check elementary school because it was dissolved long ago for insufficient enrollment caused by birth control. Last year, Atman revisted there and found it was totally ruin with weeds in the campus. Atman was really depressed, yet didn’t blame anyone because he knew nobody was willing to include a farmer or security guard in excellent graduate list to disgrace school. In the twenty-four histories of China, nobody wrote something for farmer though everybody ate his fruits of labor to live. Really irony, that’s just like having pork without being grateful to pig at all. Those guys included in the list either were professor of key university or manager of large business or civil servant. Who was Atman? A security guard of a small company. Thinking of this, Atman could not help laughing.

    Last night, he went to a restaurant to have supper alone. Looking around, he found he was among a group of rural migrant workers. Before that, he thought he was far from that group and had nothing to do with them. Suddenly he found he was so near to that group and actually was already one of them now. He felt horrible and became uneasy. Why should he think he was far from that group before? Simply because of high education? Atman couldn’t answer clearly.

    They wore dirty clothes and devoured supper ravenously. Every one of them had rice piled like a hill and someone even stripped to the waist. They ate and talked and laughed aloud as if there was no one else present. Atman remembered once he had dinner outside with Laic in college. Laic wasn’t willing to sit near migrant workers and said they were stinky to influence his appetite. Atman even blamed Laic seriously for that and he always admired migrant worker’s diligence. Now he didn’t want to sit near them not because he hated them, only he hated being one of them, unfortunately, he was becoming one of them gradually.

    Atman continued to surf the Internet and typed his own name to Baidu to see whether there was any news about it and suddenly found his name in the resume of his most favorite teacher Ms Chung. It said as below: Her student Atman Wong got First Prize of City Chu Composition Contest in October 1997. Obviously Ms Chung was proud of him and listed him as her main and first honor. For so many years, Ms Chung still remembered her student Atman clearly. Atman even didn’t remember he received First Prize in 1997. During the days of junior middle school, Atman had no books to read and Ms Chung often lent her books to Atman. She also found everywhere to find good books for Atman to read to improve himself. At the same time, Atman thought Ms Chung a lot and always wondered what Ms Chung’s life was now.

    Staring at those two classmates of his class in excellent graduate list, Dily was studying for a doctor’s degree in Stanford University, Comy was studying for a doctor’s degree in The Chinese Academy of Sciences too, while he himself was staring at their achievement in a basement of Deep City. He seemed to see his name below them with words like this: Atman was working as a security guard in a small company of Deep. 13 years ago, they three were just the same.

    Atman abused himself ferociously, “Why should I need peaceful and simple life? Am I a monk seeking enlightenment? No! I am just trying to use it as an excuse to avoid hardship to be a coward. I have to do something to be proud of at least once in my life.”

    For almost 13 years, Atman never visited Ms Chung because he feared he had nothing to answer when his teacher asked what he was doing. He would be ashamed to raise his head if he faced that situation. He could face his parents and relatives and friends while being a security guard, but couldn’t face Ms Chung.

    There was also another Ms Chau to whom Atman was always grateful. Thanks to Ms Chung, Atman’s Chinese was always excellent. Because of Ms Chau, Atman’s English was always fabulous. Only Ms Chung got everybody study well, Ms Chau only got Atman study well. Because of that, Ms Chau was moved from key class to common class to teach English and Atman thought it was really unfair, but was helpless to do anything for her. He always remembered Ms Chau’s singing ‘the moon is walking, I’m walking too…’

    Atman really didn’t want to be a small potato though he liked having potatoes since childhood. In the darkness of basement, he thought of his two favorite heroes Liu Bei and Song Jiang and remembered clearly the scenes in TV drama.

    In the TV drama of Romance of Three Kingdoms, Liu Bei sighed he was twenty-eight years old and still achieved nothing. He could only have ambition and tears in heart. Every time Atman saw this scene, he was moved to tears too.

    Everybody hated Song Jiang, but Atman liked him. In the wine shop of Xunyang, Song Jiang drank alone to sigh he had no road to realize his ambition, owned nothing but a belly of warm blood to work for the country. . Though he was neither a martial arts master nor a scholar official, he still had the ambition to stretch his life all over the world. Atman asked himself, “I’ve done nothing all these years. Liu Bei and Song Jiang, they had ambition at least, but what do I have? I’m only twenty-five years old, but act as a senile and muddle-headed man. Still I was proud of myself to have a noble heart of hermit. Shit! I’m really shit!” Atman slapped him heavily until the face was swollen. Song Jiang said, “Sooner or later, I’ll let the whole world know the name of Song Jiang.” As long as the fire of ambition in his heart is on, Song Jiang realized his dream at last, only Atman still slept in the basement without brilliant future.

    For so many years, Atman already forgot the taste of honor. Thinking of honor, he could only think of school days and there was nothing to be proud of during his social days.

    In school, he was always top three to give a speech in awards ceremony and all classmates looking at him enviously. In society, he was nothing and even a salesgirl in supermarket could look at him in despise. Though Atman told himself thousands of time it wasn’t a big deal, he just couldn’t convince himself. He wanted to break current prosaic life, but couldn’t see road ahead clearly. Time and time again, he listen the song Insistence, which was the voice of his heart.

    Atman felt a fire in heart and couldn’t sleep at all. He opened the door and went to the top of building. In the metropolis of Deep, only the moon would remind Atman of nature. In the 21st century, there was no utopia for him to hide; only now he understood the simple truth.

    A quiet evening of autumn, the moon was shining brightly. The whole world slept under silvery moonshine. An old priest sat quietly on a mountain top in meditation. Atman often envied that kind of inner peace. Not he thought it again, there was no need to avoid the world to seek peace and it was also stupid to seek inner peace to do nothing. Lotus flower was still clean through mud and didn’t avoid growing in mud at all. Inner peace was only a way to achieve something, not a result.

    Looking at the yellow moon intently, Atman knew trying hard to struggle for life was the only way. In the age of cold steel, a warrior had to sharpen himself day and night. To where should him escape? If he couldn’t sharpen himself to kill enemy, he would be killed instead. There wasn’t a third road for him to go. He had to choose one, either struggle for life or wait for death.

    Kazuo Taoka had to be barefooted to stand guard in winter. He said to his boss, “I’m not afraid of suffering, but if my feet were frostbit by cold, I would be a cripple.” The boss only said to him coldly, “You have better condition now, we used to stand guard with only briefs on in winter. If your feet were frostbit by cold, it would only mean one thing that you were incapable.” Atman remembered the boss’s words deeply. He had to admit he was incapable and it was really stupid to use seeking inner peace to avoid the fact. If he wanted to prove himself, only achievement could do, nothing else.

    When Atman came out from his mind, he found the moon was already gone. It was really late and the whole city was sleeping. He decided to get his lost honor back and prove himself a capable man.

    Thinking of this, Atman went to his room quietly and fell asleep.