For whom the diary is written for, for me or… I can’t figure it out clearly. I feel ill and stifled in my heart, suddenly I find myself missing a lot of people and things and also wasting a lot of time, can not help asking myself what I am doing everyday, nothing, nothing at all. Dining, sleep, mobile phone and computer, that’s the life I’m living every day. Brother, it was my first time to talk with you about my things yesterday, I said to you that I felt unhappy then, to be honest, I didn’t fell so unhappy because I just talked with my mouth, I treated him as a particular person. But now, If I was hesitated about whether I should put the thing down or not, now I already forget it completely, really say goodbye, no see! Hehe, now I understand giving up is really so unhappy…

    Brother, I want to live my life well, I don’t want to sit around every day, but I don’t know what to do by myself or who will control myself, who’s always lazy. I am used to have someone to accompany me and depend on someone. I don’t know whether I can change my habit or not, but now I want to try it. Brother, I always say that I want to see you and you never call on me, but when you tell me you’re in Nanchang, but I’m scared, actually, I’m not confident, still scared. Really, I’m scared, I’m afraid I’ll be speechless when I meet you, I’m afraid I’ll lose a brother who cares about me so much and I always believe one word: Distance makes beauty. So, I’m really sorry to you. Always enjoy your care and talk with you without taboo, avoid you all the time. Brother, don’t be mad! When I’m confident one day, not so childish, I’ll call on you. I hope the day is before the day of your marriage with your girlfriend, so I won’t miss your wedding! You always say that I’m a pute and piquant girl, actually, I don’t think so, I only talk with you by facing computer screen without taboo. I don’t behave in this way in real life, a little silent, a little ice-cold. And I’m utterly ignorant about a lot of things and also so lazy to know about them, then Ye Qinqin will always look at me with bitterness, I don’t know how many people feel painful about me in this way, but I know I can’t stand the expression in their eyes, disappointment, sorrow and grief… So I choose to be an ostrich, listen to nothing, look at nothing, care about nothing!

    The thought of not going home on summer vacation suddenly emerges, should I go home so early, I’m always hesitating. Don’t think, don’t think, but where am I going to and what am I going to do, I keep asking myself again and again. Some classmates asked me, soon will be a Senior, near graduation, what’s your plan, what job will you look for? I answered it’s early and there is no need to worry. En, If I really can’t find a job, then I’ll go to our Chongren to teach, anyway I have teacher qualification certificate. But he said really to the point, when I was in senior high school, first senior high school only uses graduate student, you can’t be received for you’re only a third-ranked bachelor and not even from normal school. Hehe, you know what’s my answer? I just say if I am not received, just forget it, I’ll just teach in junior high school, if I can’t do it either, then I’ll teach in elementary school, if I can’t do it either, then I’ll find someone casually to get married. Hehe, see, I’m really without prospect! The little sister who is always good in your thought is really not enterprising.

    Really don’t know what to do to make myself happy and less of regret in my life. Don’t tell me to study hard while in the school, I know this too, but it doesn’t make me happy. Though I always say I’m bored, at least non-studying is comfortable and without burden its self. I don’t know how to find the balance point of happiness and studying between there, so I’m in decadence.

    I can’t bear being alone, scare of loneliness and don’t like oppression, I’m always in a daze among people, when I’m alone, I wish I’m with people. I remember I told you, I’m hesitant, so until now I haven’t made the decision about being civil servant or have professional certification. Sometimes I really fell I’m so tired, really wish myself an old woman with white hair, already through happiness and sorrow of life, the only thing left is watching sunset happily and walking in forest with my hubby and getting old together, so…should be so well!

  I like the lyric of a song so much: The most romantic thing I can think is getting old with you, until we’re not able to go anywhere, I can still treat you as apple of my eye…YY, wish myself happy and everybody around me happy, find one to love and to be loved and then get old happily and gradually!