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In the eyes of my mother-in-law (my husband's mother)
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In china, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law apppears some different strained in every family. I want to share my feeling, perhaps it can help me to keep composure and chillax temporary. Meantime maybe you can share some clever advises for me if you're willing.
My mother-in-law live with us, my father-in-law (the father of my husband) is too. They help us to take care of my son when we work. My husband often share housework with me ago. But now he don't any more like that. My mother-in-law don't want to see he take charge any housework now. It seems in her eyes, all of the housework should be finished by me, although I also work everyday as same as my husband. She don't help me more only if I let my husband do. Beside she consider thaking care of the baby is my own responsibility too.
She display as above instead to say. Thus my husband is used to doing any housework. The problem is I can't say more with her and can't display my discontent. This let me feel tried in the family.
In fact, my husband known that share houswork is normal in a family. In my haert I want to try my best to build a happy family but I feel so tried sometime that wouldn't do anything any more.
My mother-in-law live with us, my father-in-law (the father of my husband) is too. They help us to take care of my son when we work. My husband often share housework with me ago. But now he don't any more like that. My mother-in-law don't want to see he take charge any housework now. It seems in her eyes, all of the housework should be finished by me, although I also work everyday as same as my husband. She don't help me more only if I let my husband do. Beside she consider thaking care of the baby is my own responsibility too.
She display as above instead to say. Thus my husband is used to doing any housework. The problem is I can't say more with her and can't display my discontent. This let me feel tried in the family.
In fact, my husband known that share houswork is normal in a family. In my haert I want to try my best to build a happy family but I feel so tried sometime that wouldn't do anything any more.
Post comment Comment (10 replies)
- Reply sunnyv
- To start with, living with your mother in law is itself a recipe for disaster. Your husband and his mother are biologically or blood related, while you are not, therefore, there is a difference in the natural bond. They think you are mistreating or demeaning your husband by making him do housework. The in laws blindly stand on the side of your husband without realizing the real situation. Your in laws should have got a rural woman (Heung koo, so to speak) for their son if they want a traditional housewife, otherwise, they should wake up to reality and understand your situation. Your husband is also in a no win situation because standing on one side, he would fall on the other side. Furthermore, there is still traditional custom that wives should be home orientated and should stay at home, raise children, do household chores and stay and home bound. The elderly are unfortunately still holding beliefs of the last century. The world has change so much and they don't even realize it. There are very few families where the wife can afford to stay at home without generating income. In most countries of the world, both the husband and wife needs to work to sustain a reasonable life.
In the end the wife is left to do all the exhausting housework without gratitude and yet still need to hold a job to keep the family going. Any attempt to complain about in laws would end up in fiery confrontations leaving the husband torn to pieces.
It appears you don't have much choices. Don't attempt to confront your in laws because you are surely going to lose out. All you need to do now is to let your husband know your difficult position and tell him that you are just respecting your in laws by following their orders and do things according to their wishes. Also let your husband know that your ability is limited and may one day lead to a nervous breakdown.
Excuse me for making fun of your situation, but why not just follow the sayings of the previous generation. They always say, ''Who told you to be not rich? Swallow whatever you are fed with''. After all, you still need your in laws to care for your child while you work. Harmony in the family is above all things at present.
My meaning is, just tolerate the situation as far as you can and move out to your own home when you can afford it.
- Reply loly90
- Sunny, you know about business, about friendship, love, life,the society, and even know clearly about family conflicts. You are really Mr know-all, hah
sunnyv: To start with, living with your mother in law is itself a recipe for disaster. Your husband and his mother are biologically or blood related, while yo ...
- Reply loly90
- Hold on, my sister. Who let we are woman? But i think it's ok to do housework with husband. Beauty and love come from labor. Just try not to show cold face to them, or they will show your more terrible expressions. Good luck!
- Reply zhouying2012
- Thanks for you! I see something what I need do now. Yes, as you said my mother-in-law is a genuine rural woman and she is keeping the old custom that stay at home raise children and do housework a day. So I known her ideology isn't be changed easily. So I wouldn't attempt to confront her because my husband would feel awkward between us if like that. I would like to consider a good way to solve.
sunnyv: To start with, living with your mother in law is itself a recipe for disaster. Your husband and his mother are biologically or blood related, while yo ...
Sure this is my own home, I can't move out, maybe they'll go back to old home in Yunnan when my son grow up and he go to school.
- Reply zhouying2012
- Yeah, I think so. Sunny is a good and known-all man. I'm so honored as his friend.
loly90: Sunny, you know about business, about friendship, love, life,the society, and even know clearly about family conflicts. You are really Mr know-all, ha ...
- Reply loly90
zhouying2012: Yeah, I think so. Sunny is a good and known-all man. I'm so honored as his friend.
- Reply zhouying2012
- Thanks for your help. OK, I'll try to show warmth instead cold face to them as your suggestion. In fact myy husband also help to do some housework, but less. In my heart I would like to thanks for him too, after all he have no more chance to do more, especially live with his mother.
loly90: Hold on, my sister. Who let we are woman? But i think it's ok to do housework with husband. Beauty and love come from labor. Just try not to show cold ...
- Reply zhouying2012
- Welcome you too, my new friend.
loly90:
- Reply sunnyv
- Hey, our sweet, lively, cheeky Loly..... Your down to earth approach to life, problems and relationships is also great. Try to help those who are suffering needlessly wherever you can. Why are you so quiet these days? In romance or you are busy with something?
loly90: Sunny, you know about business, about friendship, love, life,the society, and even know clearly about family conflicts. You are really Mr know-all, ha ...
- Reply loly90
- Yeah, busy with my work, i'm trying my best, i like my job. It brings troubles to me, brings joys to me as well. And when in dio, this big family and see my dear friends here, i'm totally relaxed, enjoy this feeling, i will try my best to show here
sunnyv: Hey, our sweet, lively, cheeky Loly..... Your down to earth approach to life, problems and relationships is also great. Try to help those who are suff ...
