Things changed a lot during last three months.

I finished my schoolwork in highschool and I am going to be the Portuguese freshman in 广东外语外贸大学 .

My grandpa is gone silently without knowing my grades in Gaokao,which he was dying to know.

I was going to Hangzhou to see the doctor in his last few days,though he didn't know that-- I cheated on him.So he thought I was travelling.

Additonally,I lived with my grandparents since I was born, so my grandpa just like my father.

The day I went back home, at around 2am-3am,he stop breathing in his room without anyone noticed.So,most regretfully,which can make me cry anytime,is that night he left ,my grandma had asked me to ask him if he was ok(he just came home from hospital,but my dad lied to us all about my grandpa's illness,so we knew nothing include my grandpa himself) .He had been coughing for years,so I had been used to it. And I was sad because I thought my Gaokao is failed.But,I didn't imagine things would turn out like this.In fact,my grandpa is very sick,but my families just had no ideas.So,the stupid me refused,I don't know why I would refuse at that time,maybe god wants to punish me,maybe grandpa wanted me to feel bad about myself.I can't complain anyone,"why don't you tell me the truth!"I just had to accept to the fact.That night,I didn't sleep,in the early morning,I took my grandpa's photo in the street for the funeral.yes,I won't forgive myself forever.I will be regretful forever.I lost my dear grandpa forever.But I know,he loved my a lot,so he died until I came back home.

I can't stop crying once I thought about him.In the late evening, I lied in my bed,just crying.I lost my grandpa ,and lost my home now.I try my best to comfort my grandma,but from the bottom of my heart,I am almost breakdown.I can't tell anyone,so I just pretend I am ok everyday,before my family and my friends.

Things are very complicated,but because of my English level I just describe a little part about these days,and this is the first time uncover my scars.I will lock the best and worst momory.I dare not to remember..Clearly,what I can do now is to become a strong person,to chase my dream in my university,to be a excellent person so as to be my grandpa's pride.I believe he can see...