If necessary, i would regard it as a mixed blessing. as a matter of fact, an acting love is never favorable to any single of person, an endless of procession social snobbery and fickleness has piled up at an incredible speed in my life.

Believe it or not, i can just employ the word 'nasty' to describe it each time when i throw my mind back to the first time i met her. if i can forget the scab healt right after her maltreatment for just one moment. if i can come to terms with her twenty years' callousness and heartlessness to her daughter or if i can never recall the ceaseless lies to the whole family. well, damn it. i am not the saint  and have no need to conceal the very inner emotion in my heart of hearts.

The past six four years really have witnessed a lot. i know that all the hardships i have suffered will do make sense one day. and they must do.

when i woke up at midnight in the wake of a nightmare and only to find the gruesome kickshaws and the black and white photo of my deceased grandfather. then the only thing i would do was to let the TV on until i fell to asleep again and next morning, half of my pillow had been dipped by my cold tears.

 

when i set the clock and got up at 4 am. in the morning just in order to catch the first bus to NJ to visit my father and the beloved relatives, it was on a May Day 's morning when i leaned on a ticket counter and did my homework in the dim light, not sleepy or any feeling of tiredness,however, the sweet flooding me.